Analyze the script Ladybird

LADY BIRD
written by
Greta Gerwig
ii.
“Anybody who talks about California hedonism has never spent
a Christmas in Sacramento.”
– Joan Didion
INT. MOTEL. CALIFORNIA. EARLY MORNING.
One of those anonymous trucker motels along-side I-5 through
central California. It’s late summer, 2002. Two women sleep
together in a bed. Christine, aka Lady Bird, 17 years old.
Her Mom, Marion, the age of Lady Bird’s Mom. A modern-day
romantic Mary Cassatt rip-off painting of motherhood.
LADY BIRD (V.O.)
Do you think I look like I’m from
Sacramento?
CUT TO:
Now they’re awake. Lady Bird stares at her re. Marion makes
the bed.
MARION
You are from Sacramento.
LADY BIRD
(re: making the bed)
You don’t have to do that.
MARION
Well it’s nice to make things neat
and clean.
Marion is making hospital corners. Lady Bird sits on the
just made bed. Marion sits beside her, moves the hair out of
Lady Bird’s eyes.
MARION (CONT’D)
Ready to go home?
LADY BIRD
Ready.
INT. 1994 TOYOTA COROLLA. CALIFORNIA. DAY.
The last sentences of The Grapes of Wrath.
AUDIOBOOK
“Her hand moved behind his head and
supported it. Her fingers moved
gently in his hair. She looked up
and across the barn, and her lips
came together and smiled
mysteriously.” You have been
listening to ‘The Grapes of Wrath’
by John Steinbeck. If you…
(pause)
2.
Lady Bird ejects the tape, returns it to the case from the
public library. They are both crying.
LADY BIRD
(looking on the back)
Our college trip took 21 hours and
5 minutes.
They laugh and then wipe their tears. It’s a nice moment – they both had the same emotion. Lady Bird immediately starts
looking for a good song on the radio.
MARION
(turning it off)
Hey, you know, let’s just
sit with what we heard?
LADY BIRD
(bristling)
Are you serious?
MARION
We don’t need to be constantly
entertaining ourselves, do we?
Lady Bird stares out the window, now sullen. Then:
LADY BIRD
I wish I could live through
something.
MARION
Aren’t you?
LADY BIRD
Nope. The only exciting thing about
2002 is that it’s a palindrome.
MARION
Ok fine, yours is the worst life of
all, you win.
LADY BIRD
Oh so now you’re mad? Because
I wanted to listen to music?
MARION
It’s just that you’re being
ridiculous, you have a
great life.
LADY BIRD
I’m sorry I’m not perfect.
MARION
Nobody is asking you to be perfect!
Just considerate would do.
3.
LADY BIRD
(really picking a fight)
I don’t even want to go to school
in this state anyway, I hate
California. I want to go to the
East Coast.
MARION
Your Dad and I will barely be able
to afford in-state tuition.
LADY BIRD
There are loans, scholarships!
MARION
Your brother, your very smart
brother, can’t even find a job —
LADY BIRD
He and Shelly work. They have jobs.
MARION
THEY BAG AT THE GROCERY STORE.
That is not a career and they went
to BERKELEY.MARION
Your father’s company is laying people off right and left, did
you know that? No of course not because you don’t care about
anyone but yourself.
MARION
Immaculate Heart is already a
luxury.
LADY BIRD
Immaculate FART. You wanted that,
not me!
MARION
Miguel saw someone knifed in front
of him at Sac High, is that what
you want? You’re telling me that
you want to see someone knifed
right in front of you?
4.
LADY BIRD
He barely saw that. I want to go
where culture is, like New York.
MARION
How in the world did I raise
such a SNOB?
MARION
LADY BIRD
Or at least Connecticut or
New Hampshire. Where writers
live in the woods.
You couldn’t get into those schools
anyway.
MOM!
LADY BIRD
MARION
You can’t even pass your driver’s
test.
LADY BIRD
Because you wouldn’t let me
practice enough!
MARION
The way you work, the way you don’t
work, you’re not even worth state
tuition, Christine.
LADY BIRD
MY NAME IS LADY BIRD!
LADY BIRD
MARION (CONT’D)
Well actually, it’s not, and
it’s ridiculous. Your name
is Christine.
CALL ME LADY BIRD LIKE YOU SAID YOU
WOULD!
MARION
You should just go to City College,
with your work ethic. City College
and then to jail then back to City
College. Maybe you’d learn how to
pull yourself up and not expect
everyone to do everything for
you…
They slow for a stop light and Lady Bird dramatically opens
the door and rolls out of the car. Marion screams.
5.
INT. IMMACULATE HEART OF MARY. DAY.
Close on a cast. In very small letters is written “fuck you,
mom.” The cast belongs to Lady Bird. She follows along with
the mass.
CREDITS run over this joint liturgy between Immaculate Heart
of Mary (girls school) and Xavier (boys school) and beginning
of the year activities.
A sea of catholic girls’ school uniforms in bleachers during
candidate speeches.
CANDIDATE
(finishing her speech)
A Vote for Amanda is a vote for
boys. Boys and healthy vending
machines because no one wants a
muffin with that many calories.
Lady Bird waits her turn to make her speech, and makes eye
contact with Julie in the crowd, a sweet, chubby 17 year old.
Her best friend.
5 classrooms, 5 syllabi, 5 “beginning of senior year”
speeches from the teachers. A few teachers are nuns.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
There are the classics: St.
Augustine, of course, and Aquinas.
My favorite, Kierkegaard – wait
until you hear his love story – it
will make you swoon.
Back in the church, Lady Bird looks intently at an image of
Jesus. The priest gives his homily.
PRIEST
We’re afraid we won’t get into the
college of our choice, we’re afraid
we won’t be loved, we won’t be
liked, we won’t succeed.
Everyone takes communion. Lady Bird approaches and crosses
her arms so she just gets a blessing, not real communion,
she’s not Catholic. Lady Bird watches the boys get communion.
It’s somehow sexy, opening their mouths to receive the wafer.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN (V.O.)
Some of the students were disturbed
by your posters.
6.
INT. VICE-PRINCIPAL SISTER SARAH-JOAN’S OFFICE. DAY.
Sister Sarah-Joan, in a traditional habit, holds up some of
Lady Bird’s campaign materials.
LADY BIRD
It’s just a bird head on a lady
body or vice versa.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
I think it’s a little upsetting…
Reveal of the poster: Lady Bird’s head on a bird body.
Another shows her Catholic-uniformed body with a bird head.
LADY BIRD
It’s my tradition to run for
office. Don’t worry, I won’t win.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
That’s not what I’m worried about.
LADY BIRD
(worried)
This won’t mess with my
scholarship, will it?
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
No, you’re okay there.
(trying to be helpful)
You have a performative streak, I
think.
LADY BIRD
I think that too.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
Maybe you’d enjoy theatre arts…
They are having auditions for the
fall musical.
LADY BIRD
Do we have that here?
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
It’s a collaborative effort with
the men at Xavier.
LADY BIRD
How am I a senior and not know we
have that?
7.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
Perhaps you haven’t always been an
active part of this community.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
They do a fall musical and a spring
play and from what I hear it’s a
real blast.
LADY BIRD
What I’d really like is to be on
Math Olympiad.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
(gently)
But math isn’t something that you
are terribly strong in?
LADY BIRD
That we know of YET.
CLOSE ON A LIST.
Sign ups for auditions for the fall musical. A hand reaches
up and takes the pen attached and writes, in all caps:
CHRISTINE “LADY BIRD” McPHERSON
And then another hand reaches up and writes:
JULIANNE “JULIE” PICKETT
LADY BIRD (O.S.)
“Julie” doesn’t need to be in
quotes.
JULIE (O.S.)
But it’s not my real name.
Reveal Julie and Lady Bird debating this:
LADY BIRD
It’s not the same thing.
JULIE
(shaking her head)
I’m not sure you’re right…
8.
EXT. SACRAMENTO STREETS. LATE AFTERNOON.
Julie and Lady Bird walk through the “fancy” neighborhood,
“The Fabulous Forties.” They stop in front of this very
specific house – it is the Dream House: It is three stories
and blue, with white shutters and a big American Flag. It
looks like nothing bad would ever happen in this house.
JULIE
I love this neighborhood.
LADY BIRD
Yeah, it’s so beautiful.
JULIE
If I lived here I would definitely
have my wedding in the backyard.
LADY BIRD
I’d have friends over all the time
to study and eat snacks. I’d be
like “MOM WE’RE TAKING THE SNACKS
UPSTAIRS TO THE TV ROOM.”
JULIE
I’d have my own bathroom.
INT. GROCERY STORE. EARLY EVENING.
Julie and Lady Bird browse magazines in an empty checkout
aisle. A Checker calls out to them:
CHECKER
I can’t stop you dicks from hanging
out here but quit wrinkling all the
magazines!
LADY BIRD
When I’m in this store, I’m not
your sister – I’m a customer,
Miguel! I’m always right!
This is Miguel. Lady Bird’s brother. 22, Latino, clearly
adopted. Julie watches him and his girlfriend, Shelly Yuhan,
22, a Bagger:
JULIE
Ever since she moved in, your
brother and Shelly are becoming
the same person.
LADY BIRD
No way.
9.
Shelly and Miguel have the same asymmetrical hair-cut and
“interesting” piercings. Vaguely punk looking. Seem like
they’re wearing black leather jackets even when they aren’t.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
Yeah, okay, maybe.
JULIE
(re: magazine)
See, why I don’t look like that?
The girls look at a model in the magazine. She poses in
front of the New York City skyline.
LADY BIRD
Just once I’d like to have the
song “New York Groove” play and
feel like it really applies to
my life.
JULIE
You’ve never even been to New York.
LADY BIRD
That’s why I’m applying to New York
colleges – do you know if Sarah
Lawrence is actually IN the city?
JULIE
Your parents would pay for that?
LADY BIRD
Scholarships, financial aid. I’ll
figure it out. My Mom thinks I
can’t get in but she is sorely
mistaken.
JULIE
What about terrorism?
LADY BIRD
Don’t be a Republican.
JULIE
I’m probably just going to go to
City College.
MIGUEL
(almost yelling)
PUT THE MAGAZINE BACK.SHIT.
INT. PSYCH HOSPITAL. EARLY MORNING.
Marion yawns. Luis, a large Filipino man, approaches her:
10.
LUIS
You doing okay, mama?
MARION
Yes, but that was terrifying
wasn’t it? Thank god you were
there. I guess I can’t have
pencils anymore.
LUIS
Yeah, gotta go back to just felt
tip markers. Crayola.
Marion suddenly remembers she has something, she hand Luis a
small bag:
MARION
Oh Luis this is for you! I got it
for the baby, I couldn’t resist it.
He pulls out a frilly pink dress for a toddler.
LUIS
She loves pink!
MARION
Well, it’s really more for you and
Andrea than it is for the baby, and
I’m sorry I didn’t have time to
wrap it….
LUIS
No, it’s perfect.
MARION
See you tomorrow… I mean, later?
Luis just laughs.
INT. 1994 TOYOTA COROLLA. EARLY MORNING.
Marion drives back home. It is romantic somehow. She loves
these streets, loves the turns she knows so well. When she’s
not resenting the stuck-ness of her own life she has an
enormous capacity to love it. Remember this moment with
Marion.
EXT. LADY BIRD’S NEIGHBORHOOD. EARLY MORNING.
Marion drives up. Women are watering their lawns, getting the
paper, doing yard work, touching their flowers. Solidly
middle class. Marion waves to neighbors. They wave back. She
picks up the mail, bills, papers, etc.
11.
INT. BATHROOM. MORNING.
Dad (50s, name: Larry) brushes his teeth. Marion perched on
the edge of the tub with a newspaper and a stack of mail,
going through it.
LARRY
Did you know toothpaste is
basically ineffective? It’s like
sucking on a mint.
MARION
(to Larry, shaking her
head)
Mike Kerry died. I didn’t know he
was sick again.
LARRY
How old was he?
MARION
Only fifty-six.
Knocking at the door.
MIGUEL (O.S.)
Can Shelly and I get in there?
MARION
In a minute honey Dad and I are
still in here!
LARRY
(re: Mike)
That’s too young.
MARION
(calling)
LADY BIRD YOU BETTER BE DRESSED!
LADY BIRD
I AM DRESSED.
MARION (CONT’D)
I’ll send them a note.
(a little softer)
Do you think that Shelly and Miguel
have sex on the pullout couch?
12.
LARRY
Oh yeah.
Marion laughs at Larry’s subtle joke. He laughs at her
laughter. They like each other.
INT. KITCHEN. MORNING.
Miguel and Shelly eat cereal. Larry reads the paper. Marion
makes Lady Bird’s breakfast and her lunch.
LADY BIRD
Why can’t I just make the eggs?
MARION
Because you take too long and make
a big mess and then I have to clean
it up.
SHELLY
(small voice)
Eggs aren’t good for the
environment, anyway.
LADY BIRD
(too loud)
WHAT?
MIGUEL
You heard her.
MARION
(placing the eggs)
Here, eat quickly, PLEASE.
LARRY
(re: paper)
Look at all these pictures. Every
newspaper looks like USA Today.
MIGUEL
Shelly and I are trying to be
vegan. Hence the soy milk.
LADY BIRD
You wear leather jackets.
13.
SHELLY
They’re vintage. It doesn’t support
the industry.
LADY BIRD
(poking at the eggs)
They aren’t done, there’s white
stuff.
SHELLY
You know how you love Brambles?
Pigs are smarter than him even.
LADY BIRD
I never thought Brambles was a
GENIUS okay?
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
(very obnoxious)
MOM! The eggs are NOT DONE!
MARION
FINE MAKE YOUR OWN FUCKING EGGS.
Marion then throws the frying pan violently in the sink and
retreats to the bathroom. The noisy hair-dryer starts up.
LADY BIRD
I WANTED TO YOU WON’T LET ME!
Lady Bird follows Marion out of the room.
SHELLY
Your sister doesn’t like me.
LADY BIRD (O.S.)
MOM!!! I’M HUNGRY!
MIGUEL
She does.
Shelly gets up, pouting. MIGUEL follows her
MARION (O.S.)
YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE!
GOING TO BED!
14.
Larry is left alone. It’s weirdly peaceful for half a second.
INT. 1994 TOYOTA COROLLA. DAY.
Lady Bird and Larry on the way to school. She feverishly
changes the radio station, finds a song she likes:
LADY BIRD
Did you know that Alanis Morisette
wrote this song in only ten
minutes?
LARRY
I believe it.
LADY BIRD
(she smiles)
So I’m applying to a couple East
Coast schools. I need you to help
me with the financial aid
application but Mom can’t know.
LARRY
We… aren’t they quite
expensive?
LADY BIRD
First, yes that’s why financial
aid. Second, I have to get in
first.
LARRY
Mom won’t be happy about it.
LADY BIRD
Which is why I don’t want to fight
about it before I have to.
15.
Lady Bird looks up. They are a couple of blocks from school.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
Just pull over here
LARRY
Are you sure, I can drive you to
the front —
LADY BIRD
No, just this is fine. I like to
walk.
LARRY
Okay, well, I love you.
LADY BIRD
So what do you think? About
college?
LARRY
I’ll see what I can do.
LADY BIRD
(kisses him on the cheek)
Thanks Dad, love you too. Have a
good day at work.
LARRY
Hey, I’m like Keith Richards “I’m
just happy to be anywhere.”
She gets out quickly and hurries away. She’s almost at school
when Julie pulls up.
JULIE
(calling out)
Hey bitch!
Ms. Pickett has VERY LARGE fake breasts. Her boyfriend, Matt,
hands a sack lunch to Lady Bird and Julie.
MATT
Alright girls, hope you like
pickles.
16.
JULIE
Thanks, Uncle Matt.
LADY BIRD
Sweet!
Ms. Pickett gets in the driver’s seat, they drive away.
LADY BIRD
He’s not your uncle.
JULIE
It’s something I’m trying out.
Bye, mom.
(watching Ms. Pickett go)
Your Mom really likes you.
JULIE
Yeah. I just keep getting
fatter.
Lady Bird starts eating the Matt lunch and chucks her own
lunch into a garbage can. The one her Mom spent time making.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
(mouth full)
Me too. Matt is awesome.
JULIE
Yeah, I hope he marries my Mom.
That would be nice. He promised me
his old car when I turn eighteen.
In the student parking lot, a girl gets out of her fancy
Range Rover. She’s pretty in a high school way.
LADY BIRD
That car should be illegal. Jenna
Walton’s not doing any off-roading.
She just goes to Pavillions.
JULIE
I heard Jenna Walton has a tanning
bed in her house.
The girl, Jenna Walton, is very tan. Identical tan girls
descend on her.
LADY BIRD
She is so pretty.
JULIE
Her skin is luminous.
LADY BIRD
Maybe we should try tanning.
17.
INT. VESTMENT ROOM. DAY
Lady Bird and Julie sit with their legs up the wall, eating
communion wafers out of a large plastic container.
LADY BIRD
Yeah, in the tub I just scoot
myself under like now, like this,
and then the water just…
She gestures, showing that the water would flow into her
crotch and get her off. They are hysterically laughing.
JULIE
We are so gross!
LADY BIRD
I think I figured it out when I was
like three or something.
JULIE
I use, I take off the shower head,
oh god this is so embarrassing! I
use that.
LADY BIRD
I don’t know if mine is the right
kind, though. Maybe it’s different
when you actually have a penis in
there, like it’s more intense.
JULIE
Mine is pretty intense, I think.
Darlene, an odd looking girl, has silently walked in.
DARLENE
You’re not supposed to eat the
wafers!
JULIE
(trying to be helpful)
They aren’t consecrated.
Darlene turns on her heel, annoyed. Lady Bird and Julie
dissolve into giggles.
INT. XAVIER MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM/THEATRE. DAY.
Lady Bird, wearing an extreme “audition” dress, and Julie, in
her uniform, sit and watch other students perform.
18.
Father Leviatch runs auditions – there is something funny and
depressed about him. An overweight woman, Miss Patty,
accompanies on the piano when needed.
A boy, Greg, is up. He has a big voice for such a tiny boy:
GREG
“BEING ALIVVEEEEEEEEEE……!”
Cut to Father Leviatch calling out from his clipboard:
FATHER LEVIATCH
Okay, Christine?
LADY BIRD
Lady Bird.
FATHER LEVIATCH
Is that your given name?
LADY BIRD
Yes.
FATHER LEVIATCH
Why is it in quotes?
LADY BIRD
Well I gave it to myself. It’s
given. To me, by me.
FATHER LEVIATCH
OK, take it away, Lady Bird.
Cut to Lady Bird singing her song.
LADY BIRD
“Everybody says don’t / Everybody
says don’t / Everybody says don’t
it isn’t right, don’t it isn’t
niiiiiceeee / Everybody says don’t
/ Everybody says don’t / Everybody
says don’t walk on the grass….”
Cut to Julie, wearing her uniform, shy and nervous:
JULIE
(singing)
“Make me a channel of your peace /
where there’s despair in life let
me bring hope / where there is
darkness only light / and where
there’s sadness ever joy….”
Julie has a sweet, clear, beautiful voice. It’s a quiet
moment and everyone pays attention.
19.
More girls and more boys. Now most everyone is done.
Danny stands. He’s very handsome. Strapping, even. He gives
his sheet music to the Miss Patty. Then he sings:
DANNY
(singing)
“There are giants in the sky! /
There are big tall terrible giants
in the sky! When you’re way up
high and you look below at the
world you’ve left and the things
you know little than a glance is
enough to show you just how small
you are!”
He’s AMAZING. Julie and Lady Bird look at each other. DREAM
BOAT CITY.
INT. LADY BIRD’S ROOM. NIGHT.
Underneath her window sill by her bed, Lady Bird writes the
name:
DANNY.
She’s in love and want to make it permanent somewhere.
Suddenly, a voice is directed right at Lady Bird’s door:
MARION (O.S.)
I CAN SEE THE LIGHT ON IN YOUR ROOM
GO TO BED!
Lady Bird shuts off her light and sleeps, dreaming of Danny.
EXT. XAVIER MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM/THEATRE. DAY
Lady Bird and Julie check the casting list. They first find:
MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG
Franklin Shepard: Danny O’Neill, Charlie Kringus: Greg Anrue
Gussie: Diana Greenway, Beth: Julie Steffans.
They move way down the list until they find:
Swing/Chorus: Christine McPherson
LADY BIRD
(tightly)
Congratulations.
JULIE
You too! We both got in!
20.
LADY BIRD
Everyone who auditioned got in. The
part I got was basically not
getting in.
JULIE
(trying to downplay)
I do not even know how I got cast
in my part.
LADY BIRD
Me neither. I was the one who had a
dress and prepared a song.
JULIE
I know!
LADY BIRD
(thinking)
Now you’re going to get romantic
with Danny on stage.
JULIE
It’s probably my only shot at that,
you know?
LADY BIRD
She take the pen and crosses out Christine and writes LADY
BIRD. Leaves.
Julie stays and when she’s sure she’s alone she touches her
name – loving herself and the feeling of being chosen.
INT. GROCERY STORE. EARLY EVENING.
Marion grocery shops. Lady Bird looks at a BRIDE magazine.
LADY BIRD
Mom…
MARION
(re: the magazine)
We don’t need to buy that.
LADY BIRD
It’s only three dollars. I’m having
a hard week.
MARION
If you want to read it we can go to
the public library.
LADY BIRD
I want to read it in bed.
21.
MARION
That’s something rich people do.
We are not rich people.
Lady Bird walks away and then tucks the magazine underneath
her sweater into the top of her skirt, sneakily stealing it.
As she’s performing this maneuver, she sees DANNY (!) and his
Mom and three little brothers walk by. She walks up bravely:
LADY BIRD
Hey!
DANNY
Hi.
LADY BIRD
Come here often?
DANNY
(not getting the joke)
Excuse me?
LADY BIRD
(extending her hand)
I’m Lady Bird, we’re going to be in
the musical together.
DANNY
Oh, yeah, I remember you! You were
wearing that dress.
LADY BIRD
I just wanted to say what’s up and
I’ll see you in rehearsal.
DANNY
Thanks, I’m super excited. You live
in the neighborhood?
LADY BIRD
(doing a voice)
Nah, I’m from the wrong side of the
tracks.
DANNY
What?
LADY BIRD
Is that your family? There are so
many of you!
DANNY
Irish-Catholic! It’s hard to find a
girl to date that’s not my cousin.
22.
LADY BIRD
(flustered)
Well, okay. You’re going to make a
great Franklin.
DANNY
Thanks! I want my hair, his hair
to be curly, though.
Yeah!
LADY BIRD
DANNY
Like Jim Morrison. Very ’70s.
LADY BIRD
Like Jim Morrison exactly.
DANNY’S MOM
DANNY!
Gotta go!
DANNY
Lady Bird walks back to Marion, who is with Miguel while he
scans their groceries and Shelly bags them.
LADY BIRD
Who is Jim Morrison again?
MIGUEL
He was in a rock band, moron, The
Doors.
LADY BIRD
I knew that.
MARION
(looking at the bill)
This is with your employee
discount?
MIGUEL
Yeah, it’s already included.
Marion looks worried.
INT. XAVIER MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM/THEATRE. AFTERNOON.
Everyone tries to keep up with the dance steps Miss Patty
teaches them. She is also, apparently, the choreographer. She
can move amazingly well for a bigger woman.
23.
They play theatre games and do acting exercises. Father
Leviatch is actually quite good at casting a spell and making
everyone feel included.
CUT TO:
The priest, Father Leviatch, looks around the stage where
everyone sits, cross legged, tired from dancing.
FATHER LEVIATCH
To get our emotions going, we’re
going to play “first one to cry
wins.”
FATHER LEVIATCH
Starting … Now. I’m playing too.
So is Miss Patty.
Miss Patty nods.
They all try to cry really hard. Suddenly everyone looks up
– Father Leviatch is sobbing.
Everyone is uncomfortable watching an adult man cry.
FATHER LEVIATCH
I’m sorry… I’m sorry.
EXT. XAVIER MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM/THEATRE. AFTERNOON.
Diana, another girl in the play, dishes the gossip while she
and Lady Bird and Danny wait for their rides:
DIANA
I heard that before he became a
priest he was married and he had a
son named Etienne who died of a
drug overdose at 17 which was maybe
a suicide but my mom says same
difference if you are so careless
with your life.
(a horn honks)
Oh that’s her! Gotta go, bye guys!
Lady Bird and Danny wave goodbye and then fall into a
semi- awkward silence. She sees it’s her Moment. She tries
to casually hand Danny a bag but it’s a kind of big bag.
24.
LADY BIRD
Oh, I almost forgot. I brought you
these hot rollers. For your Jim
Morrison hair.
He pulls out the Conair pink and purple “Hot Sticks.”
DANNY
Thank you so much.
LADY BIRD
You’re welcome.
DANNY
You’ll have to show me how to use
them.
LADY BIRD
(weirdly formal)
It would be my pleasure.
DANNY
They look like sperms.
He laughs and Lady Bird joins in. They do look like sperms
but it wasn’t so funny to say it.
DANNY (CONT’D)
Hey! I just remembered I had a
dream about you!
LADY BIRD
Really?! What happened?
DANNY
We were flying to Disneyland on a
giant carrot….
LADY BIRD
Awesome!
DANNY
I love Disneyland.
LADY BIRD
Me too, I think it’s kind of scary
but I also love it.
Triumph! They are having a Real Conversation.
INT. ALGEBRA II CLASS. DAY
Mr. Bruno explains a problem on a projector. He’s handsome
and young-ish. Definitely handsome for an all girls school.
Lady Bird zones out, thinking about Danny. Julie looks
intently at Mr. Bruno. She loves him, privately.
25.
MR. BRUNO
(finishing an explanation)
Don’t leave me hanging. Can I get
a nod? That’s good. Maybe even a
verbal confirmation?
JULIE
(too loud)
YES.
Julie experience her mini moment of private embarrassment.
They are handed back quizzes. Julie gets a A-.
MR. BRUNO
Good job, Jules, I could tell from
your work that you even understood
the one you missed!
He kind of winks at her. She blushes.
LADY BIRD
(looking at her grade)
SUCK A DICK.
JULIE
(to Lady Bird)
I like “Jules.”
Lady Bird looks at her C+.
LADY BIRD
I just don’t get why I’m not good
at math, my Dad is really good at
math. Even Miguel has a math
degree.
JULIE
Maybe it’s your Mom’s fault.
INT. HOMECOMING DANCE. SCHOOL GYM. NIGHT.
There are a bunch of kids clumped, some dancing, some sitting
on half-hearted hay bales. The popular girls, Jenna etc.,
wear tank tops that say (front) Ditch the horse… (and back)
Ride the cowboy!
Lady Bird and Julie now have on bandanas and denim – they’re
doing the Groucho Marx Duck Soup dance to “Tha Crossroads.”
Suddenly Lady Bird stops.
JULIE
You lose! POINT JULIE!
LADY BIRD
No, look
26. Across the dance, there is Danny. He’s wearing chaps, a holster,
a hat, fake pistols. Like teenage John Wayne.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
Wish me luck.
JULIE
Luck.
Julie watches as Lady Bird makes a bee-line for Danny.
LADY BIRD
Wanna dance?
DANNY
Hell, yeah!
They start slow dancing together. Julie does the duck-soup
dance alone and then stops. It’s pointless without a buddy.
She falls back and watches.
Sister Sarah-Joan walks by Lady Bird and Danny:
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
Six inches for the Holy Spirit!
They roll their eyes: Rules! Once she leaves Danny pulls Lady
Bird close again. She swoons. Life is happening.
EXT. SCHOOL GYM. NIGHT.
Lady Bird, Julie and Danny wait outside of the dance, leaning
against the gym waiting for their parents. Julie’s Mom pulls
up with Uncle Matt. Honks.
JULIE
(to Lady Bird)
That’s us!
LADY BIRD
Nah, my Mom is coming.
JULIE
No she’s not.
LADY BIRD
(pointed)
Yes, she is.
JULIE
But the plan was sleepover at –
LADY BIRD
IT’S FINE.
27.
Lady Bird is clearly trying to stay there with Danny.
JULIE
(annoyed)
Okay, bye then.
Julie gets in the front seat to practice driving. Leaves.
Lady Bird and Danny are quiet, listening to the muffled
sounds of the dance. Then:
DANNY
Have you ever been out of the
country?
LADY BIRD
When I was little, my Dad had a job
that took him to Brazil. I remember
from the pictures.
DANNY
I’ve never been out of the
country. It’s my dream to go
to Paris.
LADY BIRD
(sighs)
Paris.
DANNY
That’s why I’m learning French.
LADY BIRD
My mom said French wasn’t useful.
DANNY
It is if you want to go to Paris.
They laugh.
DANNY (CONT’D)
I still don’t know how to use those
rollers you gave me.
LADY BIRD
Oh, it’s so easy, like after they
heat up, you just take your hair
and twist the hair and then twirl
the thing like this…
She reaches up to his hair. He kisses her. It’s surprising.
They kiss again. It’s romantic, really romantic.
EXT. SACRAMENTO STREETS. NIGHT.
Lady Bird walks home. She’s smiling so huge and throws her
face to the sky and screams.
INT. HOUSE. NIGHT.
28.
Marion and Larry are arguing with a lot of financial
documents strewn across the kitchen table.
29.
MARION
Larry how long will this hold us.
LARRY
I don’t know…
Lady Bird opens the back door, glowing and shiny from the
night and the kiss. She sneaks past.
MARION
Well, someone must know. Can the
whole family go on Cobra, even
Miguel? What happens if someone
gets in an accident?
LARRY
I’m not sure – the severance
package I think it expires all at
once, not within the calendar
year…
Lady Bird tip-toes into her room. She knows she wasn’t
supposed to see this. And she doesn’t want to know any more.
MARION
I’ll ask at my work if —
Suddenly, a noise makes her turn her head sharply.
MARION (CONT’D)
Is she home?
LARRY
Maybe leave it for tonight…
MARION
No, she knows better.
(getting up)
She cannot sneak around like
this…
Marion barrels down the hallway towards Lady Bird’s room.
INT. BEDROOM. NIGHT.
Lady-Bird, under the covers, hears her Mom coming. Then all
the lights come on, it’s so bright:
MARION
Christine! You can’t leave your
room like this!
LADY BIRD
I didn’t…
30.
MARION
None of these things were put
away right, they aren’t nice,
CHRISTINE! NOW!
LADY BIRD
(weakly)
My name is Lady Bird.
MARION
Don’t lie to me, Christine!
Lady Bird sees her Dad pass by the door and give her a look
like “I’m sorry, I can’t help you here.” He disappears.
Marion picks up her uniform.
MARION
NO, this uniform is going to look
like TRASH on Monday!
MARION (CONT’D)
This isn’t right – we can’t treat
our clothes like this. I don’t
know what your wealthy friends
do…
LADY BIRD
Why do you care what I do to my
clothes?
Marion closes the door..
MARION
Your father does not have a job.
MARION
He lost his job, okay? Do you
need him to come in here and
explain that to you?
30.
MARION
Of course he wouldn’t do it
anyway, he’s Mr. Nice Guy. I always
have to be the Bad Guy.
LADY BIRD
Can we please talk about this
tomorrow?
MARION
You can’t look like a rag because
that makes us look like rags. And
you want to know the truth? Here’s
the truth: some of your friends’ fathers could employ your father
and they won’t do that if it looks
like his family is trash.
Lady Bird puts all her clothes away while Marion watches.
LADY BIRD
(quietly)
Didn’t you ever go to sleep without
putting all your clothes away
perfectly? Like even once? And
don’t you wish your Mom hadn’t
gotten angry?
MARION
My mother was an abusive alcoholic.
Lady Bird has nothing to say to this, Marion wins.
INT. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR’S OFFICE. DAY.
Lady Bird looks at some brochures. The Guidance Counselor
looks at her grades and test scores.
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR
So I understand that you’re not
interested in any Catholic
colleges?
LADY BIRD
No way. Sorry, but yes, no way.
31.
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR
Then you’ll be applying to UCs and
State schools?
LADY BIRD
Yes, but also those East Coast
liberal arts schools. Like Yale,
but not Yale because I probably
couldn’t get in.
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR
(laughs)
You definitely couldn’t get in.
Part of my job is to help you be
realistic.
LADY BIRD
That seems like everyone’s job.
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR
Your SAT scores are strangely very
good.
Lady Bird shrugs.
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR (CONT’D)
I’d placed some calls to local
alumni of the schools you’re
interested in, but unfortunately
all the interviews are taken.
LADY BIRD
So… what does that mean?
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR
It means that you’ll have to get in
on how you look on paper.
INT. THEATRE. DAY.
The kids rehearse — following dance moves and singing.
EXT. ROSE GARDEN. NIGHT.
Lady Bird and Danny lie on a blanket in the park, looking up
at the stars.
DANNY
Shouldn’t we go home?
LADY BIRD
(shakes her head)
My Mom is always mad. It doesn’t
matter if I get home late, she’d be
mad at me anyway.
DANNY
32.
Your Mom is hard on you.
LADY BIRD
(defensively)
She loves me a lot.
(then)
Pick a star for us.
DANNY
(pointing)
That one, right there right next to
the bright one and then the dim one
– see it?
LADY BIRD
That’s our star.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
(whispering)
You know you can touch my boobs,
right?
DANNY
I know… it’s just…. I respect
you too much for that.
LADY BIRD
Oh, cool, awesome. I totally get
that. Thank you.
DANNY
You’re welcome.
33.
LADY BIRD
If you had boobs I wouldn’t touch
them either.
DANNY
I respect you so much because… I love you.
LADY BIRD
I love you, too.
They kiss and look back up at the stars.
DANNY
Let’s name our star Claude.
Lady Bird makes a face.
LADY BIRD
That’s pretentious, don’t you
think?
DANNY
It’s French.
(then)
What should we name it?
LADY BIRD
BRUCE.
They laugh and kiss and yell to the heavens.
DANNY
I LOVE YOU!
LADY BIRD
I LOVE YOU!
They hug and are the happiest they’ve ever been, looking up
at the sky and loving each other.
34.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
(whispers)
Bruce.
EXT. HALLWAYS OF IMMACULATE HEART OF MARY. DAY.
Julie and Lady Bird wander the hallways. Julie shoves a
cupcake in her mouth, so does Lady Bird. The wander and chew
contemplatively.
LADY BIRD
(not really to anyone)
It’s normal to not touch a penis.
JULIE
(looks around, notices
everyone is gone)
I have to go to class.
LADY BIRD
But I have free period!
JULIE
I need to pass history!
LADY BIRD
I think we’re done with the
learning portion of high school.
JULIE
I’m gonna go.
LADY BIRD
NO! I HATE BEING ALONE!
JULIE
Bye, love you.
Julie takes off. Lady Bird lazily walks the halls.
She sees her empty math classroom and sees that Mr. Bruno
isn’t there. She ducks inside. Notices his grade binder on
the desk. Snatches it and then runs.
She dumps it into one of the big trash cans and hurries away.
35.
INT. THRIFT TOWN. DAY.
Marion and Lady Bird are looking through dresses.
MARION
Did Danny say whether his
grandmother has a formal
Thanksgiving?
LADY BIRD
I don’t know, there are a lot of
kids, but she lives in the fab
forties…
MARION
(nodding)
Your dad and I went to a dinner
party once in that neighborhood,
the CEO of ISC, and it was pretty
formal.
Lady Bird finds something – holds up a black dress.
MARION (CONT’D)
You’re not going to a funeral.
LADY BIRD
Well, I don’t know! What says “rich
people Thanksgiving”?
They keep looking.
MARION
It’s just such a shame that you’re
spending your last Thanksgiving
with a family you’ve never met
instead of us, but I guess you want
it that way.
(clocks her walking)
Are you tired?
LADY BIRD
No.
A saleswoman, Joyce, calls out:
JOYCE SALESWOMAN
Hey Marion!
Marion waves to the saleswoman. Her voice is so warm and
friendly with other people who are not her daughter:
MARION
Hey Joyce! How’s the baby!
36.
JOYCE SALESWOMAN
He’s crawling!
MARION
Ooohhh, I want to see a picture at
checkout!
(back to Lady Bird)
If you’re tired we can sit down.
LADY BIRD
I’m not tired!
MARION
Oh it’s just that I couldn’t tell
because you’re dragging your feet.
LADY BIRD
(silence)
MARION
Well, I just couldn’t tell.
LADY BIRD
Why didn’t you just say “Pick up
your feet.”
MARION
I didn’t know if you were tired.
LADY BIRD
You were being passive aggressive!
MARION
No. I wasn’t.
LADY BIRD
You are so INFURIATING.
MARION
Please stop yelling.
LADY BIRD
I’m not yelling.
Marion sees something. Holds it up. It’s a beautiful old
fashioned looking dress. Marion has found the needle in the
haystack.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
Oh it’s perfect!
MARION
Don’t you love it.
37.
INT. LADY BIRD’S HOUSE. LATE AT NIGHT.
Marion, still in her nurses uniform, sits at the sewing
machine, tailoring the dress she and Lady Bird found. She
finishes, and then hangs it up quietly in Lady Bird’s room.
Doesn’t wake her up, simply watches her daughter sleep for a
minute.
INT. ALGEBRA II CLASS. DAY.
Mr. Bruno addresses his class:
MR. Bruno
So because my gradebook has
disappeared, I am going to count on
you to reconstruct it. I know you
all know your grades better than
anybody. I have a general idea, but
this is all about the honor code
right now, okay?
They are going up one by one to talk through their grade and
he can start again.
JULIE
AMR. Bruno
I’m pretty sure it was an A.
JULIE
Um, I’m not but okay…
MR. Bruno
It was – trust me, I know talent
when I see it.
JULIE
You’re welcome. No, thank you.
He does that wink thing at her again. She retreats, red
faced. Lady Bird is next:
LADY BIRD
Hey, I think B.
MR. Bruno
I thought it was more like B- maybe
even C+ territory.
LADY BIRD
No, because I did really well on
the last quiz…
38.
MR. Bruno
I seem to remember you doing only
slightly better.
LADY BIRD
It brought my average up to a B.
MR. Bruno
Okay, B it is. It’s your honor.
INT. LADY BIRD’S HOUSE. DAY.
Marion, Larry, Shelly and Miguel run around making sure the
house is perfect for their Thanksgiving. The doorbell rings.
MIGUEL
LADY BIRD! YOUR LOVER AWAITS!
Marion opens the door, lets in Danny.
MARION
Hello, Danny! The famous Danny!
Aren’t you adorable!
(she hugs him)
Larry isn’t he adorable?
LARRY
He’s adorable.
MARION
And you’re driving her and
everything – Wow!
DANNY
Thank you for letting Lady Bird
come to my Grandmother’s
Thanksgiving, Mrs. McPherson.
MARION
No more politeness, just call me
Marion!
DANNY
(firmly shaking Larry’s
hand)
Nice to meet you, Mr. McPherson.
LARRY
Please, call me Mr. Larry
McPherson.
39.
MARION
(hits him)
Larry! Sit down Danny, can I get
you something to drink?
DANNY
Oh no, I’m fine.
MIGUEL
(waving)
Hi, I’m Miguel. The brother.
I think Lady Bird wants to make an
entrance. She’s mad we don’t have a
spiral staircase.
SHELLY
(quietly)
Shelly.
What?
DANNY
SHELLY
Is my name.
They’re quiet for a moment. Danny tries to converse:
DANNY
It’s funny, on my way here, I went
over the train tracks —
MARION
You took H street?
DANNY
Right, and so just Lady Bird always
says that she lives on the wrong
side of the tracks, but I always
thought that it was, like, a
metaphor.
Ah.
MARION
DANNY
But there are actual train tracks.
Marion’s face contorts. This is painful.
Just then, Lady Bird enters, looking beautiful in her vintage
dress. She holds a duffel bag.
MARION
(now upset with her)
What in the hell is in that duffel
bag?
40.
LADY BIRD
Don’t worry about it, Jeez!
DANNY
My grandmother will love that
dress.
INT. DANNY’S GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE. LATE AFTERNOON.
Thanksgiving. It is at the Dream House. From the beginning.
The blue one with the white trim and the American Flag. Lady
Bird cannot believe it.
LADY BIRD
Wait, this is your grandma’s
house? Oh my god.
She meets his Grandmother, almost kisses her hand like she’s
a queen but pulls back just in time:
LADY BIRD
Your house is my favorite in all
of East Sacramento.
Lady Bird and Danny walk through the house. She spots very
prominent Ronald Regan poster:
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
Is this… a joke?
DANNY
No.
Lady Bird meets people, so many people, and in a lull, folds
a napkin in a cool way – it looks like a four-pointed flower.
Danny’s Grandmother notices, and IS TOTALLY INTO IT. Soon,
Lady Bird is folding all the napkins at the tables this way,
teaches her how to do it, too. It is clear how much Danny’s
Grandmother enjoys Lady Bird.
INT. DANNY’S CAR. NIGHT
Lady Bird and Danny are singing along with songs from the
show. Pick up Julie from her apartment complex. Pick up Greg
from his house. Now they’re all singing.
In the car, they change out of their Thanksgiving “finery”
and put on what they consider to be “people who listen to
music in coffee shop” outfits. That was what the duffel was
for, the costume change. There are scarves and a beret.
EXT. ALLEY BEHIND NEW HELVETIA COFFEE SHOP. NIGHT.
In their new outfits, Greg and Danny and Julie and Lady Bird
smoke a out of a bowl, which another one of them lights.
41.
LADY BIRD
How do you know when it’s working?
42.
DANNY
You’ll know.
LADY BIRD
It’s not working.
GREG
It’s not? My sister said this was
premium.
JULIE
I’m working.
DANNY
I’m working too.
LADY BIRD
Nope.
They are quiet for a second.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
I can’t feel my arms.
GREG
You’re working.
They laugh really hard. Danny makes out with Lady Bird.
INT. NEW HELVETIA COFFEE SHOP. NIGHT.
They hazily take stock of everything. There are some ironic
turkeys pinned up on the stage.
The “cool kids” are there. They don’t say hi but they don’t
shun them. Jenna Walton is there with her boyfriend, Jonah
Ruiz. He’s singing pretty terrible songs about her with his
band, the pretentiously named L’enfance Nue.
LADY BIRD
(whispered to Julie)
If Danny and I get married and then
his Grandma died, I’d inherit the
Dream House.
JULIE
Wouldn’t his parent’s get it?
LADY BIRD
(realizing)
Oh yeah, we’d have to kill them.
And kill his older brothers, too.
43.
Kyle Scheible, a long-haired beautiful bassist, is really
into it. Lady Bird spends an extra-long time looking at this
Kyle Scheible. She feels DEEPLY ATTRACTED to him. She looks
at Danny, she loves him, yes, but there is something else
going on with Kyle Scheible. She’s not sure, maybe it’s the
pot. Maybe not. REMEMBER KYLE, Lady Bird will.
Meanwhile, Mr. Bruno is there – weird. He looks at Julie, who
was looking at him. She turns quickly away.
JULIE
(to no one)
Where is Mr. Bruno’s wife…?
INT. LADY BIRD’S HOUSE. NIGHT.
Lady Bird and Danny stand by the microwave, making “Smart
Ones” frozen dinners. Six of them. Greg and Julie also eat,
everyone with their own spoon taking bites out of the
different platters.
Then Marion walks in – they are still giggling, she awkwardly
announces herself:
MARION
How’s it going?
No one can say anything, it’s almost like they’re frozen.
Finally Lady Bird is able to squeak out:
LADY BIRD
Mom, we really can’t talk right now.
They all dissolve into giggles again.
MARION
Well, Happy Thanksgiving. We missed
you, Lady Bird.
Marion leaves. She’s hurt and angry but mostly hurt.
EXT. LADY BIRD’S FRONT YARD. NIGHT
The kids all pile back into Danny’s car. Lady Bird waves
goodbye, all of them laughing. Then they are gone. Lady Bird
shivers a little, now alone. Startles when she sees Shelly
smoking:
LADY BIRD
(curious)
Why does that cigarette look so
weird? Like not like cigarette?
44.
Shelly offers her a drag. Lady Bird drags and coughs.
SHELLY
It’s a clove. Lick your lips.
That’s why they’re sweet.
(then)
Your Mom was really sad you weren’t
here tonight for Thanksgiving.
LADY BIRD
Well, she hates me.
SHELLY
She has a big heart, your Mom. She
took me in after my parents freaked
out about, whatever, pre-marital
sex. I admire her.
Lady Bird doesn’t fight Shelly.
INT. XAVIER. GIRLS DRESSING ROOM. EARLY EVENING. `
Buzzing in the girls dressing room. It’s opening night!
They are putting up pictures and do-dads. They are exchanging
“opening night” gifts. The girls are applying too much
makeup. There is music playing and lots of screaming.
INT. XAVIER. BOYS DRESSING ROOM. EARLY EVENING.
The boys also get ready. They are putting on powder and
combing their hair. It’s less loud, but also kinetic.
INT. XAVIER MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM/THEATRE. BACKSTAGE. EARLY
EVENING.
All the boys and girls are gathered in a circle. Father
Leviatch and Miss Patty are leading the prayer.
FATHER LEVIATCH
SAINT IGNATIUS OF LOYOLA…
EVERYONE
(shouts)
PRAY FOR US!
DANNY
LIVE JESUS IN OUR HEARTS…
45.
EVERYONE
FOREVER!
They break and cheer. It’s time for the show.
INT. XAVIER MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM/THEATRE. NIGHT.
The show is about to begin. The audience sits in the dark.
The students in the wings. The paltry orchestra strikes up
the first chord.
MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG is actually a pretty upsetting and
adult show. Julie sings a song about divorce. The other
“fabulous” girl, Diana, plays a character who has an affair.
There’s lots of pretend drinking of alcohol. They dance and
sing their hearts out
Everyone cheers at the end, but more about the fact of the
show as opposed to the show itself.
The audience includes the whole of Lady Bird’s family,
Julie’s Mom and Uncle Matt, Danny’s whole Irish-Catholic
clan. Everyone is proud.
INT. XAVIER MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM/THEATRE. NIGHT.
Mingling after the show. Some of the administrators look
scandalized.
Julie sees Mr. Bruno and approaches him, feeling beautiful
and confident:
MR. BRUNO
There she is! Jules, wow! You were
so good. I couldn’t believe that.
JULIE
Thank you…
MR. BRUNO
Jules, I’d like you to meet my
wife, Becky. Becky this is Jules,
one of my brightest students.
BECKY
Nice to meet you.
JULIE
(devastated)
Nice to meet you, too.
MR. BRUNO
How we doing?
46.
BECKY
Yeah, I’m a little tired.
MR. BRUNO
Okay, I gotta get her home, we’ve
got the little one, but great
work Jules.
JULIE
(as they leave)
Congratulations.
Julie is humiliated, and doesn’t quite know why. She sits
down next to Father Leviatch, who also looks traumatized. He
watches people pass him by:
FATHER LEVIATCH
They didn’t understand it
INT. DINER. NIGHT.
The entire cast and crew is there, enjoying their opening
night, eating a lot of chicken fingers and french fries. They
are being silly and playing a Broadway trivia game. Lady Bird
and Danny make towers with the sugar packets. Julie and Greg
hang out together: they’re both the “extra” friends. Everyone
is giddy and happy.
INT. DINER GIRLS BATHROOM. NIGHT.
Julie and Lady Bird wait for the stalls to open up.
LADY BIRD
HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU ALL WILL
BE I DRANK SO MUCH SODA!
STALL WOMAN (O.S.)
Fuck you.
CHORUS MEMBER (O.S.)
I just got my period!
LADY BIRD
Goddamn it!
Lady Bird leaves.
JULIE
Where are you going?
47.
LADY BIRD
There’s never a line in the men’s
room!
INT. MEN’S ROOM. NIGHT.
Lady Bird opens the door and opens a stall and there, in
front of her: Danny and Greg making out hard. Julie comes
tumbling in from behind.
INT. JULIE’S ROOM. JULIE’S HOUSE. NIGHT.
They both cry. They listen to “Crash Into Me” by Dave
Matthews and sob.
The song ends and Lady Bird starts it over.
INT. XAVIER MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM/THEATRE. NIGHT.
They perform the next night.
No fun. It’s no fun because their boyfriends are gay.
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE. DAY.
Lady Bird gets her cast off with a saw. Marion watches.
The doctor throws the cast in the trash. She is mournful.
INT. ST. FRANCIS. DAY.
Finals. Lady Bird casually cheats off the girl sitting next
to her.
INT. LIVING ROOM. CHRISTMAS DAY.
Everyone gets socks and underwear for Christmas. Even Shelly.
MARION
They’re really nice socks.
MARION
They’re expensive, actually. They
wick moisture away from your feet.
SHELLY
Yeah my feet always have moisture.
LADY BIRD
Mom, I love them.
48.
MARION
(embarrassed)
I’m sorry it’s Small Christmas. We
wanted to, well, it’s just a little
small this year.
Larry opens his gift.
(laughing)
It’s just what I needed, honey.
He holds up a throw pillow that says “Golfers Don’t Diet They
Just Exist On Greens.” He laughs.
MARION
(laughing, too)
It makes me laugh.
INT. LADY BIRD’S ROOM. NIGHT.
A gentle knock on the door.
LADY BIRD (O.S.)
Dad? Come in.
LARRY
(entering)
How did you know it was me?
LADY BIRD
Mom doesn’t knock.
LARRY
(laughs)
No, she doesn’t.
He gives her an envelope. Quietly says:
LARRY (CONT’D)
Here they are, your completed
financial aid applications. Merry
Christmas.
Lady Bird throws her arms around Larry.
LADY BIRD
Thank you! Thank you!
LARRY
Do you need money for the
applications? Because I can help
with that, too, I just need to —
49.
LADY BIRD
— no, no, I’ve got that, summer
jobs covered it.
INT. FAMILY/COMPUTER/MIGUEL’S ROOM. COMPUTER. DAY.
Lady Bird frantically fills out her applications: addresses
things, puts materials in envelopes.
MIGUEL
This is why we have computer shut- off time – this is our room.
He indicates Shelly, looking forlorn by the pullout sofa-bed.
LADY BIRD
Okay, okay, just can you drive me
to the post office on J? It
should still be open.
EXT. POST OFFICE. NIGHT.
They are just closing up for the night. Lady Bird runs up and
posts them at the last minute.
EXT. LADY BIRD’S HOUSE. PORCH. MIDNIGHT.
Lady Bird and her family are out celebrating New Years. Noise
makers and sparklers. Happy 2003! Everyone wears the glasses
with the zeros for the eyes.
INT. NEW HELVETIA COFFEE SHOP. AFTERNOON.
This is where she got high the first time and the band played
– now Lady Bird learns the cash-register, espresso machine,
and then sees Kyle Scheible, that amazing looking bassist,
sitting at a table outside, plowing through “The People’s
History of the United States.”
Later, he steps outside to smoke, she notices and follows:
LADY BIRD
Hey! I like your band with Jonah
Ruiz, L’enfance Nue?
(she pronounces it
Lenfance New)
KYLE
(correcting her
pronunciation)
L’enfance Nue.
LADY BIRD
I saw your Thanksgiving show. My
name’s Lady Bird.
50.
They shake hands. There is something instantly sexual between
them. Lady Bird has never felt this thing before. She gets
all R&B songs ever written in one moment.
KYLE
It’s weird you shake hands.
LADY BIRD
Yeah.
(lying)
Yeah, I’m friends with Jenna and
she’s always talking about how
great your band is so I wanted to
check it out.
KYLE
Jenna’s hella tight. Well maybe
I’ll see you at the Deuce or
something.
LADY BIRD
Sure, see you at the Deuce.
COOL TWENTY SOMETHING
(yelling out to Lady Bird)
I’m not paying you to flirt!
LADY BIRD
(embarrassed)
I wasn’t flirting.
KYLE
I wish you had been.
And then he’s gone. Lady Bird’s loins are on fire.
INT. LADY BIRD’S ROOM. NIGHT.
She writes Kyle’s name next to where she’d written Danny’s
name. Touches her hand where he’d touched it. Then touches
her mouth. She wants, she wants.
50.
SECOND SEMESTER
INT. CHURCH. DAY.
Joint liturgy at another beginning of the semester. Lady Bird
sits next to Julie and sings in the choir and scans for Kyle.
From under her choir robe, Lady Bird pulls out “The People’s
History of the United States” and reads it while the priest
delivers the homily.
Danny tries to make eye contact with Lady Bird but she coldly
looks away. Her eyes rest on Jenna – she wants Kyle as her
boyfriend and Jenna as her friend. She wants to be part of
this thing, this popular-straight-kid thing she’s always been
outside of.
Lady Bird takes her blessing, arms crossed.
INT. HOMEROOM. DAY.
JENNA
The first time we did it was at his
lake house last summer. It was so
funny…
Julie hands Lady Bird a sack lunch:
JULIE
From Uncle Matt. I think he and my
Mom are fighting, so enjoy these
lunches while you can.
LADY BIRD
Oh, no thanks, I’m trying to lose
weight.
JULIE
Really?
But Lady Bird isn’t paying attention. She’s angling towards
Jenna Walton, the tan, who holds court:
JENNA
Yeah, sex is not a big deal, it’s
just my mom called during it!
Everyone laughs.
51.
JENNA (CONT’D)
It was on my cell phone, she got it
for emergencies.
LADY BIRD
Did you pick up?
JENNA
Yeah, I was like, “um, Mom, I can’t
really talk right now.”
Everyone else laughs again. Julie now tries to join in:
JULIE
(to Jenna)
What was the emergency?
JENNA
What? Oh, my great aunt died.
JULIE
What was the emergency?
JENNA
Oh, my great aunt died.
LADY BIRD
I’m so sorry.
JENNA
She kind of did it to herself.
Yeah. I don’t know why do that if
you’re already so old.
Sister Sarah-Joan approaches:
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
Ladies – skirts?
Jenna’s skirt doesn’t make the grade, it’s been hemmed.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN (CONT’D)
I’m going to write you a citation,
Miss Walton.
52.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
No more short skirts!
She continues on, inspecting other skirts.
JENNA
Sarah-Joan is all up in my jock.
LADY BIRD
She’s a cunt.
JULIE
Birdy you like her.
LADY BIRD
Yeah, but, she’s a cunt.
(to Jenna)
I have an idea of how to get Sarah- Joan back…
JENNA
How?
LADY BIRD
You’ll see. This afternoon?
JULIE
No, we have auditions this
afternoon.
LADY BIRD
I don’t think I want to do the
play.
(to Jenna)
Meet me in the teacher’s parking
lot at 3. I’ll have the materials.
JENNA
Wait what was your name?
LADY BIRD
Lady Bird.
JENNA
Weird.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
We have a decision to make: prom
themes! The top options are — Cities of the World, Eternal Flame,
and Movies!
INT. XAVIER MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM/THEATRE. DAY.
Everyone who has come to audition is greeted by the new
director: Father Walther, also the JV football coach.
GIRL #1
53.
Where’s Father Leviatch?
FATHER WALTHER
Alright let’s have everyone take a
knee.
Confusion. Miss Patty won’t make eye contact
with them
MISS PATTY
Cozy sit.
FATHER WALTHER
So I know that you all miss Father
Leviatch, all of the brothers do
too, but I am going to give this my
very best shot, okay? Usually I’m
the J.V. football coach, but from
what I can tell a “play” is a
“play.”
No real response. Danny sits with Julie, whispers:
DANNY
Where’s Lady Bird?
JULIE
(quietly angry)
With her new best friend. She
thinks she’s too cool for theatre.
Father Walther wheels out a blackboard and picks up chalk.
FATHER WALTHER
Now if you can pull out your
scripts. I’ve assigned a number to
each of your roles. I’m going to
put the blocking on this board, and
if you guys can transcribe into
your plays, that’d be great.
JULIE
(calling out)
Who is playing what part?
FATHER WALTHER
I had Miss Patty assign parts
because she already knows you all.
Miss Patty nods.
FATHER WALTHER (CONT’D)
Call ‘em out Miss Patty!
Miss Patty starts:
54.
MISS PATTY
(slightly drunk on power)
Uh, Prospero, Danny.
Julie is Miranda – she’s happy, maybe she’s good at this?
EXT. TEACHER PARKING LOT. AFTERNOON.
Jenna and Lady Bird are decorating the nun mini-van with tin
cans and streamers and attach a sign to the back that reads:
JUST MARRIED TO JESUS.
As they’re completing their mission:
JENNA
Wait, where do you live?
LADY BIRD
Oh, um, the 40s.
JENNA
That’s where our starter house was!
Which street?
LADY BIRD
(lying, again)
Um, 44th it’s, um, it’s the three
story blue house with the white
shutters and the American flag in
the front.
She describes the house that she and Julie lusted after last
fall, Danny’s Grandmother’s house.
JENNA
I know that one! Wanna go over
there now and eat? I live in
Granite Bay otherwise I’d say lets
go there.
LADY BIRD
Um, actually, I was thinking – maybe we should go to the Deuce?
(trying to be casual)
I was talking to Kyle about it and
he was like “whatever it’s lame but
maybe I’ll see you there.”
JENNA
How do you know Kyle?
55.
LADY BIRD
My Mom made me get a job at New
Helvetia to learn “responsibility”
Anyway we hang out there.
JENNA
Yeah, Kyle’s awesome. let’s Deuce
it up.
INT. XAVIER MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM/THEATRE. DAY.
Father Walther is writing all the blocking on the blackboard
like the football coach he is. All the students are
frantically taking down the notes in their scripts.
EXT. SIERRA II. “THE DEUCE.” PARKING LOT. DAY.
Jenna joins Jonah & co in the parking lot, drinking and
smoking. Kyle is there, sitting on top of a car reading
another big book, a theoretical math book. For fun.
LADY BIRD
This is the Deuce? It’s a parking
lot? We were in one parking lot
and we went to another parking
lot.
JENNA
(calling out)
KYLE! Lady Bird and I just
decorated the nun-mobile like “just
married to Jesus!
KYLE
That’s hella tight.
He nods, appreciating this. Jonah starts to make out with
Jenna. Lady Bird tries not to watch.
KYLE (CONT’D)
What you did was very baller, very
anarchist.
LADY BIRD
Yeah, fuck ‘em.
KYLE
Don’t worry, I’m not gonna snitch
on you.
LADY BIRD
(fake threatening)
I hope not, because I’d fucking
kill your family.
56.
What?
KYLE
LADY BIRD
Sorry that was an exaggeration.
KYLE
It’s okay. My Dad has cancer. So I
guess God is doing that for us.
LADY BIRD
Oh… I’m sorry.
They’re quiet for a second, he’s said something heavy.
KYLE
You work at New Helvetia, right?
LADY BIRD
Right.
KYLE
Can I get your number? We were
looking to set up some more gigs
down there…
LADY BIRD
Definitely.
He holds out his hand and a pen. Lady Bird takes his hand and
the pen. When she touches him, it’s the same as before: SEX.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
It’s my parents’ number.
KYLE
You don’t have a cell phone?
LADY BIRD
Nah.
KYLE
Good girl. The government didn’t
have to put tracking devices on us,
we bought them and put them on
ourselves.
LADY BIRD
I don’t own a tracking device…
KYLE
No the cell phones. See?
57.
Wow.
LADY BIRD
KYLE
Yeah. I know. I mean you’ll have
one eventually. Everyone’s gonna
have one. And then it’ll be a
matter of time.
LADY BIRD
Before what?
KYLE
Before they put them in our brains.
Lady Bird laughs and then stops herself. He is dead fucking
serious. She wants to touch him again but can’t invent a
reason why.
INT. NEW HELVETIA COFFEE SHOP. AFTERNOON.
Lady Bird works. Zones out from time to time, thinking about
Kyle. Danny comes in and then lurks. She spots him, goes to
throw out the trash, annoyed that he’s there.
EXT. ALLEY BEHIND NEW HELVETIA COFFEE SHOP. AFTERNOON.
Lady Bird walks out, Danny follows her. She wheels around:
LADY BIRD
What do you want from me?
He doesn’t say anything.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
YES?!
DANNY
My Grandma wanted me to tell you
she missed you at Christmas.
LADY BIRD
Yeah, well, I couldn’t have gone
anyway… my Mom was pissed about
Thanksgiving.
DANNY
(nodding)
Your mom is crazy. I’m scared of
her.
58.
LADY BIRD
(suddenly defensive)
She’s not crazy, she’s just, she has
a big heart. She’s very warm.
DANNY
I don’t find your mother warm.
LADY BIRD
You don’t?
DANNY
Well no yeah she’s warm but she’s
also kind of scary.
LADY BIRD
You can’t be scary and warm.
DANNY
(logically debating)
I think you can, your Mom is.
LADY BIRD YOU’RE
YOU’RE GAY!
That shuts him up. They’re quiet.
DANNY
(suddenly, desperate)
Fuck me. Can you not tell anyone,
please? I’m so sorry about
everything. I’m so ashamed of all of
it. It’s going to be bad and I just
need a little bit of time to figure
out how I’m going to tell my mom and
dad.
He almost starts crying.
LADY BIRD
(pats him awkwardly)
Don’t worry, I won’t tell.
DANNY
(leaning into her,sobbing)
Thank you.
59.
He’s telling the truth and she is genuinely touched. They
embrace again. They are friends, real friends now.
INT. PSYCH HOSPITAL. CHECK-IN. DAY.
Marion helps a patient fill out a questionnaire. It is Father
Leviatch, who looks how he feels – crushed by bottomless
despair. This is his struggle.
MARION
…and do you have a support
system?
FATHER LEVIATCH
What do you mean?
MARION
(gently)
Who do you turn to when you feel
this way?
FATHER LEVIATCH
No one, I guess. I’m sorry.
MARION
No, no, don’t be sorry. There’s
no wrong answer.
She looks at him with true empathy. He realizes something.
FATHER LEVIATCH
Please don’t tell your daughter.
MARION
No of course not. Of course
not.
60.
INT. CHURCH. DAY.
All of Xavier and Immaculate Heart of Mary are assembled for
Ash Wednesday Mass.
Everyone gets ash on their forehead. Julie looks on enviously
as Lady Bird jokes around with Jenna and flirts with Kyle
from across the aisle.
The priest repeats the incantation every time he applies
ashes to the foreheads.
PRIEST
Remember that you are dust and to
dust you shall return… Remember
that you are dust and to dust you
shall return….
INT. FAMILY/COMPUTER/MIGUEL’S ROOM. DAY.
Lady Bird sits at the computer with a list of instructions in
front of her – Marion, Larry, Shelly and Miguel stand behind
her.
LADY BIRD
It’s a new system – you just enter
your social security number and…
She is presses ENTER and is lead you to a website that lists
all the schools in the UC system she applied to with a “yes”
or a “no” beside them. They all say no except for…
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
DAVIS?!
MARION
(relieved)
Davis is good. Maybe you should
have looked at it.
LADY BIRD
It’s only half an hour away! Less
if you’re driving fast!
LARRY
I went to graduate school there.
SHELLY
Lots of smart people go to Davis.
LADY BIRD
I thought Berkeley had to accept
me. You and Miguel went there.
I’m a legacy.
61.
LARRY
Eh, not if we don’t give money.
MIGUEL
And you get bad grades.
LADY BIRD
Oh what do you know about it?
MIGUEL
Meaning?
Nothing.
LADY BIRD
MIGUEL
(turning red)
What are you implying?
MIGUEL
YOU FUCKING RACIST.
LADY BIRD
I didn’t say anything.
MIGUEL
I DIDN’T PUT DOWN MY RACE!
LADY BIRD
I’m sure they had no idea, MIGUEL!
MIGUEL
You are actually fucking
evil. What is wrong with you?
MARION
GO – GO TO YOUR ROOM!
LADY BIRD
I’m not FIVE!
MARION
I did not raise you like this, I
didn’t —
LADY BIRD
I don’t have to go ANYWHERE! I’m
not going to a fucking university
that’s famous for it’s fucking
AGRICULTURAL SCHOOL.
She runs out, furious. She’d kick the computer if she could.
LADY BIRD (O.S.) (CONT’D)
AND MIGUEL AND SHELLY YOU’LL NEVER
62.
GET JOBS WITH ALL THAT SHIT IN YOUR
FACE!
Miguel self-consciously puts his hand to his nose-ring,
rotating it. Shelly mentally tallies all her piercings.
63.
INT. JENNA’S HOUSE. NIGHT.
A fancy McMansion, giant but not utterly tasteless. A low-key
house party. Lady Bird wanders through the palatial house,
looking for Jenna. Runs up to her:
LADY BIRD
Hey!
JENNA
(hugging her)
Hi! Help yourself to anything in
the fridge. My parent’s are
upstairs but they don’t care if you
drink.
She nods and moves on. What she’s looking for is Kyle of
course. She spots Kyle outside, reading a book and smoking.
EXT. JENNA’S HOUSE. BY THE POOL. NIGHT.
Lady Bird casually slinks outside and lights up a clove, like
she does it all the time. Kyle notices like he was meant to.
KYLE
I hate that shit.
LADY BIRD
But you smoke.
KYLE
Hand rolled cigarettes – never
industrially produced and never
cloves.
LADY BIRD
What’s wrong with cloves?
KYLE
You can’t inhale cloves. What’s
the point?
LADY BIRD
Oh…
KYLE
You’re not supposed to.
LADY BIRD
Cloves were what I first smoked,
when I was young, so you know,
force of habit.
KYLE
Huh. Well it has fiber glass.
64.
Really?
LADY BIRD
KYLE
Rolling your own is best. Also I’m
trying to, as much as is possible,
not participate in our economy. I
don’t like money. I am trying to
live by bartering alone.
LADY BIRD
But doesn’t Catholic school cost
money?
KYLE
Yeah the diocese were not super
into it.
(then)
It mattered to my Dad that I go to
Xavier, so just trying to make him
happy.
She sits down next to him. He touches her face. She breathes
out hard. He kisses her and she kisses back.
CUT TO:
Another part of the house: Kyle and Lady Bird are making out
full on. She wants it, but not so fast:
LADY BIRD
I don’t want to have sex yet. I
haven’t had sex yet. With another
person.
KYLE
No, me neither.
LADY BIRD
Really?
Yeah.
Cool.
KYLE
LADY BIRD
They start making out again. They fall into a door and it
reveals THE FAMOUS TANNING BED. Lady Bird laughs.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
Oh my god! It’s the tanning bed!
Julie will love this!
65.
KYLE
Who’s Julie?
INT. BATHROOM. DAY.
Lady Bird sits on the edge of the tub and looks at a picture
of Kyle from the “Xavier” insert in the Immaculate Heart of
Mary Yearbook.
CUT TO:
Just Lady Bird’s feet on either side of the tub-tile, the
water streaming down. It’s obvious what she’s doing.
CUT TO:
She’s out. She has towels wrapped around her body and head.
She rummages around the medicine cabinet. She sees a pill
bottle and looks at it. It’s antidepressants for her Dad. She
puts it back, carefully.
MARION (O.S.)
Lady Bird! You can’t lock yourself
in there! We have one bathroom!
LADY BIRD
(opening the door)
Sorry, sorry, sorry!
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
It’s just this is the only place I
can get any privacy.
Marion clocks the towels around Lady Bird’s head and body:
MARION
Do you really need to use two
towels?
LADY BIRD
No, I guess no.
MARION
If you need two towels you just
have to say so because this affects
my whole day, I have to do laundry
before work and I need to know if
there are more towels I need to
wash.
LADY BIRD
I just need one, sorry.
66.
MARION
OK, well let me get to the mirror, I gotta get going.
Lady Bird backs up, watches Marion put on makeup.
LADY BIRD
When do you think is a normal time
to have sex?
MARION
(drops her mascara)
You’re having sex?
LADY BIRD
No!
MARION
Uh, college is good, I think
college. Use protection. Like we
talked about.
LADY BIRD
Ok.
They regard each other.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
Is Dad depressed?
MARION
(looking from the mirror)
Why do you ask that?
LADY BIRD
The pills… they have Dad’s name
on them.
Marion’s not sure she should talk about it, but then does:
MARION
Dad’s been struggling with
depression for years.
LADY BIRD
I didn’t know that.
67.
MARION
Money is not life’s report card.
LADY BIRD
He’s depressed about money?
MARION
Being successful doesn’t mean
anything in and of itself. It just
means that you’re successful.
LADY BIRD
(confused)
Yeah, but then you’re successful.
MARION
But that doesn’t mean you’re happy.
LADY BIRD
But he’s not happy.
EXT. JENNA’S HOUSE. POOL. DAY.
Lady Bird and Jenna messing around in her big pool, splashing
each other, being teenage ladies-of-leisure. Lady Bird is
feeling the weight of her life, the heft of it.
LADY BIRD
I have to get out of Sacramento.
JENNA
Why?
LADY BIRD
Because it’s soul-killing. It’s the
mid-west of California.
JENNA
Isn’t there a thing, like: “think
globally, act locally.”
LADY BIRD
I feel that the person who said
that didn’t live in Sacramento.
JENNA
I love it here. I want to send my
daughters to Immaculate Heart. I
want to be, you know, be a mom.
68.
LADY BIRD
At least go to San Francisco.
JENNA
I don’t like hills.
Jenna disappears under the water. Lady Bird considers that
perhaps Jenna is not such a good fit for her as a friend,
even if she is popular and cool. They aren’t the same.
INT. ALGEBRA II CLASS. DAY.
Julie’s desk is empty beside Lady Bird. She misses her real
friend.
INT. ST. FRANCIS HALLWAYS. DAY.
Lady Bird sees Julie walking in the hallway with Darlene, the
weird girl from choir. She calls out:
LADY BIRD
Julie! Julie! Julie, hey!
DARLENE
(aggressive)
What do you want from Julie?
LADY BIRD
Darlene can you excuse us?
JULIE
Darlene, stay.
So Darlene stays, her creepy cow eyes taking in the scene.
LADY BIRD
Why aren’t you in Algebra II?
JULIE
I switched sections.
LADY BIRD
Why?
69.
JULIE
Aren’t Jenna and Kyle enough?
LADY BIRD
I’m sorry that you’re jealous.
JULIE
HA! Jenna is a moron, you know.
LADY BIRD
She’s not. She’s in AP Calculus.
JULIE
She’s a moron in a deeper sense.
LADY BIRD
You don’t even know her.
JULIE
— Miss Patty assigned you a role,
by the way. You just never showed
up to claim it.
LADY BIRD
What role?
JULIE
“The Tempest.”
LADY BIRD
There is no role of “The Tempest.”
JULIE
It’s the titular role!
LADY BIRD
No, it’s a made up thing so we all
can participate.
JULIE
Can’t do anything unless you’re the
center of attention, can you?
LADY BIRD
Yeah, well, you know your mom’s
tits? They’re FAKE. TOTALLY FAKE.
JULIE
She made a bad decision at 19!
LADY BIRD
Two bad decisions.
70.
Julie leaves with Darlene. Lady Bird is furious and
righteous.
INT. IMMACULATE HEART OF MARY GYM. DAY.
Everyone sits on the bleachers for a “special assembly.”
Jenna and Lady Bird sit together. Lady Bird loves being seen
with her at this public event.
A woman is speaking – she is heavy-set with a “wedge”
haircut. She holds up models of fetuses.
70.
CASEY
And at fifteen, this girl was
pregnant. She decided that she
was going to get an abortion. It
made sense. It was the right
thing to do.
LADY BIRD
(whispering)
Let me guess she didn’t get it.
CASEY
And she was sitting there waiting
for the doctor to come in and
something deep inside her said NO.
LADY BIRD
Bingo.
CASEY
Anyone want to guess who this woman
is?
Hands shoot up.
CASEY (CONT’D)
The young lady right here.
YOUNG LADY
You?
71.
CASEY
No, it was not me.
ANOTHER YOUNG LADY
Um, your friend?
CASEY
No, the girl in the story was… my
mother.
Gasps from the audience.
CASEY (CONT’D)
I am that baby that she decided not
to abort.
Cut to: Laminated graphics about abortion are being passed
around.
CASEY (CONT’D)
That could have been me, that could
have been my fate.
LADY BIRD
(to Jenna)
Just because something looks ugly
doesn’t mean that it is morally
wrong.
Unfortunately this comment was loud enough for Casey to hear.
CASEY
What did you say, ma’am?
LADY BIRD
Nothing.
CASEY
Please share.
Lady Bird looks at Jenna and decides that she’s really going
to impress her:
LADY BIRD
(loud)
I said “Just because something
looks ugly doesn’t mean that it is
morally wrong.”
The girls are shocked and embarrassed, but laughing too.
72.
CASEY
You think dead children aren’t
morally wrong?
LADY BIRD
No…
She’s going all in:
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
I’m just saying that if you took up
close pictures of my vagina while I
was on my period it would be
disturbing but it doesn’t make it
wrong.
GASPS! Sister Sarah-Joan clocks Lady Bird’s escalating mania.
She briefly makes eye-contact with her. Lady-Bird is ashamed,
but uses her shame to plow ahead rather than turn back.
CASEY
(horrified)
Excuse me? What did you say?
LADY BIRD
Listen, if your mother had had the
abortion we wouldn’t have to sit
through this stupid assembly?
MARION (O.S.)
Suspended?! HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
INT. FAMILY/COMPUTER/MIGUEL’S ROOM. NIGHT.
Marion is furious. Larry pretends to work on the computer.
MARION
EVERYTHING we do is for you.
EVERYTHING. You think I like
driving that car around. Do
you? You think I like working
double shifts at the psych
hospital? You needed to go to
the Catholic school because
your brother saw someone
knifed in front of him at the
public school, is that what
you want?
MARION
(turns on Larry)
LADY-BIRD
No.
No.
No. No….
LARRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE
COMPUTER?!
Nothing.
73.
LARRY MARION
(back to Lady Bird)
You think Dad and I don’t know how
ashamed that you are of us? Your
dad knows, your dad knows why you
ask us to drop you a block away
from school every day –
LADY BIRD
– Dad I didn’t mean to –
MARION
– You made him feel horrible
HORRIBLE do you know that?
LADY BIRD
(crying)
I’m sorry.
Larry chimes in.
74.
LARRY
Marion you didn’t have to bring
that up –
MARION
– No, Larry, you can’t just be the
nice guy, she has to know, she has
to know how you feel otherwise
she’s just gonna think that she
can say anything at all and nobody
ever gets hurt.”Wrong side of the
tracks”.
LADY BIRD
I didn’t mean it that way, it was a
joke —
MARION
Yeah, it’s just a joke: “Mom and
Dad, they don’t care.” We didn’t
think we’d be in this house for
twenty-five years, we thought we’d
move somewhere better, Whatever we
give you, it’s never enough.
LADY BIRD
It is enough.
MARION
Do you have any idea how much it
cost to raise you? How much you’re
THROWING away every day?
Lady Bird, tired of being berated, furiously gets a pen and a
piece of paper, poised to write, cuts Marion off:
LADY BIRD
Give me a number.
MARION
What?
LADY BIRD
GIVE ME A NUMBER!
MARION
I don’t understand.
LADY BIRD
You give me a number for how much
it cost to raise me, and I’m going
to get older and make a lot of
money and write you a check for
what I owe you so that I NEVER
HAVE TO SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN.
75.
MARION
I highly doubt that you will be
able to get a job good enough to do
that.
Lady Bird screams and raises her hand at her mother. Brings
it down without striking. Leaves the room without a sound.
INT. LADY BIRD’S HOUSE. EARLY AFTERNOON.
Lady Bird lounging – watching television. Life during
Suspension. All these reports about the lead up to the Iraq
war. It’s simultaneously terrifying and boring. The phone
rings and she JUMPS at it.
LADY BIRD
(into the phone)
Hello?
JENNA (O.S.)
Hi, it’s me! Jenna.
LADY BIRD
(looking at the time)
Are you calling me from school?
JENNA (O.S.)
No, we got out early because all
the Irish girls got totally sloshed
by noon…
LADY BIRD
Oh, right, happy Saint Patrick’s
Day!
JENNA (O.S.)
I guess they’d been stock-piling
mini liquor bottles in the tampon
machines. Now they’re all throwing
up. Everyone else got out early.
So GUESS where I am?!
LADY BIRD
I don’t know, where?
Reveal that Jenna is:
EXT. DREAM HOUSE. EARLY AFTERNOON.
It is the house. Danny’s Grandmother’s house. The blue one
with the white shutters and the American Flag. The one Lady
Bird said she lived in. Jenna is standing there in her
uniform.
76.
JENNA
DING DONG I’M OUTSIDE!
She rings the doorbell.
LADY BIRD (O.S.)
Oh, shit, no, I’m… wait.
LADY BIRD (O.S.)
LEAVE! JUST UM, LEAVE!
INT. LADY BIRD’S KITCHEN. EARLY AFTERNOON.
CUT TO:
Lady Bird and Jenna in her kitchen. Her real kitchen.
JENNA
(looking around)
So this is your house?
LADY BIRD
Yeah.
JENNA
The woman who lived in the other
house was totally freaked out.
LADY BIRD
That’s my friend’s grandma. That’s
her house.
JENNA
Why did you say it was your house?
Reaching for the truth that explains it:
LADY BIRD
I wished I lived in that house.
JENNA
I don’t even sort of understand why
somebody would lie about that.
77.
LADY BIRD
I didn’t lie.
JENNA
You lied, you’re a liar.
JENNA
I hate dishonesty.
LADY BIRD
I’m sorry.
JENNA
Apology accepted, I guess.
LADY BIRD
(concerned)
Are we still friends?
JENNA
I mean, if you’re still Kyle’s
girlfriend, then yeah, I guess
I’ll see you around.
Lady Bird looks worried – is she still Kyle’s girlfriend?
INT. KYLE’S ROOM. KYLE’S HOUSE. DAY.
They watch the news, not touching but oh man she wants to
touch.
CUT TO:
Kyle and Lady Bird are making out pretty heavily. Lady Bird
is on top. She whispers:
LADY BIRD
I’m ready.
KYLE
(regular voice)
What?
LADY BIRD
(a bit louder)
I’m ready… to have sex…
KYLE
Okay, great.
78.
He reaches over, fetches a condom. Gets it on somehow.
LADY BIRD
You’re so dextrous with that… Oh!
They’re sort of having sex now. She’s still on top. It goes
on for a little bit. Then he stops moving.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
(whispering)
Are you…? Done?
KYLE
Yeah. Yes.
LADY BIRD
Sorry, I was confused.
She looks at him. His face is all splotchy.
KYLE
You have some kind of – blood!
LADY BIRD
(hands to her face)
Oh, shit, I get nose bleeds.
I’m sorry.
CUT TO:
Kyle reads. Lady Bird holds a Kleenex to her nose, and looks
at a bulletin board with the class picture from first grade –
little Kyle wears a tie-dye shirt.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
Remember when “tie-dye” was an
activity?
79.
KYLE
(glancing up)
I didn’t make that shirt, my
parents bought it for me at Sea
Ranch, you can read “Sea Ranch” if
you look close.
LADY BIRD
(making a joke)
Cut to “ten years later.”
KYLE
What?
LADY BIRD
Like how ten years ago you were in
first grade and now we… Cut to!
KYLE
(quizzical)
What does “cut to” mean to you?
LADY BIRD
Or like “little did he know…”
KYLE
Nothing you’re saying makes sense.
LADY BIRD
How we’re not virgins now! We
deflowered each other. We have each
other’s flowers.
She kisses him and tries to hold him but then backs off.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
Sorry, I’m just happy.
KYLE
I didn’t lose my virginity to you.
LADY BIRD
Wait – what?
KYLE
I lost my virginity to Cassie
Duval.
Excuse me?
LADY BIRD
80.
LADY BIRD
You said you were a virgin.
KYLE
No I didn’t. Because I’m not. And I
haven’t lied in two years.
Oh Jesus.
LADY BIRD
KYLE
Yeah, I’ve probably slept with, six
people?
LADY BIRD
You don’t even know if it’s six
people?
KYLE
I don’t keep a list.
LADY BIRD
Why wouldn’t you keep a list we’re
in high school?
KYLE
Why are you getting so moody?
LADY BIRD
You did say you were a virgin.
KYLE
I think you might have made an assumption.
LADY BIRD
I just had a whole experience that
was wrong.
She sits. Kyle opens his book up again and then closes it:
KYLE
You’re deciding to be upset.
LADY BIRD
No, I am upset.
KYLE
Because you’re deciding to be.
Don’t be mad at me for this. That’s
stupid. You can’t be mad at me for
something I have no control over
now.
LADY BIRD
I just wanted it to be special.
81.
KYLE
Why? You’re going to have so much
un-special sex in your life.
LADY BIRD
(fully angry now)
I was on top! Who the fuck is on
top their first time!
KYLE
Do you have any awareness about
how many civilians we’ve killed
since invasion in Iraq started?
LADY BIRD
SHUT UP. SHUT UP. Different things
can be sad. It’s not all war.
Kyle moves away and opens a book.
LADY BIRD
(worried)
Are we still going to prom
together?
KYLE
Sure.
Kyle has been reading something out of the corner of his eye.
INT. KITCHEN. KYLE’S HOUSE. DAY.
Lady Bird sneaks down the stairs, still crying, trying to get
away without a conversation. Through a door, she sees Kyle’s
Dad. He’s very thin and wears lots of sweaters, obviously
sick. He drinks a cup of tea.
EXT. KYLE’S HOUSE. DAY.
Lady Bird waits outside, sitting on the curb. The Toyota
Corolla pulls up. It’s Marion. Lady Bird does a double-take.
INT./EXT. 1994 TOYOTA COROLLA. EARLY EVENING.
As Lady Bird climbs in the car:
LADY BIRD
I thought Miguel was going to pick
me up.
82.
MARION
Well, I was just arriving from work
and…
She wants to say she misses Lady Bird but instead says:
MARION (CONT’D)
It was easier.
Lady Bird starts crying. Very hard. Marion pulls over, hugs
her:
MARION (CONT’D)
Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay.
As she’s rubbing her back, Marion takes in Lady Bird’s shirt,
she doesn’t recognize it.
MARION (CONT’D)
What is this sweater?
LADY BIRD
Oh, it’s just, my friend Jenna gave
it to me.
MARION
Who’s Jenna?
LADY BIRD
My friend.
Marion doesn’t know her daughter’s friends, her t-shirts, or
why she’s crying. She holds Lady Bird, then thinks of
something:
MARION
… want to do our favorite Sunday
activity? I don’t have a second
shift…
Lady Bird nods, it would be nice.
INT./EXT. OPEN HOUSES AROUND SACRAMENTO. DAY.
Marion and Lady Bird go to all the different open houses.
They love doing this. They could never buy any of them, but
it is so neat to see the inside of houses you’ve always
known, and to imagine a different life. Where would your bed
go?, etc. It’s a great day. Maybe the best in a long time.
Maybe ever.
83.
INT. LADY BIRD’S HOUSE. DAY.
Lady Bird is back to watching television. The invasion is
full on, it’s the Shock and Awe portion of the Iraq war.
MIGUEL
Lady Bird! A bunch of things
arrived for you!
Lady Bird rushes in, snatches the envelopes from his hand:
LADY BIRD
(turning hot)
Holy shit!
MIGUEL
Since when do you get mail?
LADY BIRD
I get mail.
MIGUEL
Whatever you’re up to, it’s not
going to end well.
INT. LADY BIRD’S ROOM. DAY.
She opens a bunch of letters – they are all rejections.
EXCEPT for one letter, the letter that says “Wait-listed.”
She screams silently to herself. Not yes but it’s not no.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING. MORNING.
Larry sits across from Business Jock, just 30.
BUSINESS JOCK
The programmers now are, like,
kids, man!
LARRY
I know – but that’s why I think
with me you’ll find something
different.
BUSINESS JOCK
YEAH BUT THEY’RE LIKE BABIES.
LARRY
I hear you, it’s wild. Which is why
(pointing at his resume)
(MORE)
84.
LARRY (CONT’D)
I got my MBA at UC Davis while
still working at ISC.
BUSINESS JOCK
Oh, wow. That must of been a lot
of work.
LARRY
It was.
BUSINESS JOCK
I heard ISC is closing now, though.
LARRY
I heard, yes.
BUSINESS JOCK
So the assholes who fired you are
now closing up shop.
LARRY
(not feeling it)
Feels good.
They sit for a second.
BUSINESS JOCK
(looking around)
Yeah… What else is supposed to
happen?
LARRY
Oh, I thought we were going to talk
about the position.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING. WAITING ROOM. DAY.
Larry leaves his awkward interview to come get Lady Bird.
She’s reading a stack of old magazines.
LADY BIRD
How’d it go?
85.
LARRY
(exhausted)
Let’s go buy a big bag of Doritos
and eat them in the car to
celebrate your waitlist.
LADY BIRD
(laughing)
Don’t tell Mom! About the Doritos
or the waitlist!
Then Miguel enters the waiting room. Larry and Lady Bird do a
double take. Miguel looks much more conventional. Handsome,
too. All his piercings are out, his tattoos covered.
LARRY
Oh… hi, son!
LADY BIRD
Wait, what are you doing here?
MIGUEL
I guess we’re um, going for the
same job then?
LARRY
It looks like it. Go get ‘em!
Larry and Miguel hug.
Miguel goes in to the interview. Larry watches him go,
feeling how you’d be feeling at that moment. Lady Bird aches
for her Dad.
INT. VICE PRINCIPAL SISTER SARAH-JOAN’S OFFICE. DAY.
Lady Bird hands in homework from being suspended. Sarah-Joan
looks it over, then:
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
I know it was you who did the “Just
Married” thing.
LADY BIRD
It wasn’t me.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
I’m not going to punish you.
86.
LADY BIRD
Oh… why not?
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
(laughing)
It was funny. Sister Gina and I
drove all the way home before we
noticed people were honking.
LADY BIRD
Really?
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
To be fair, I wasn’t just married
to Jesus. It’s been forty
years…
LADY BIRD
Well he’s a lucky guy.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
(she considers Lady Bird)
I read your college essay. You
clearly love Sacramento.
LADY BIRD
I do?
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
Well, you write about Sacramento so
affectionately, and with such care.
LADY BIRD
I was just describing it.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
It comes across as love.
LADY BIRD
Sure, I guess I pay attention.
SISTER SARAH-JOAN
Don’t you think maybe they are the
same thing? Love and attention?
87.
INT. THRIFT TOWN. DAY.
Marion and Lady Bird are looking for a prom dress. Lady Bird
is in the dressing room trying things on.
MARION
(sadly)
I guess you won’t be going to
dances in college. This is our last
one.
(then)
You know, Davis has a terrific
theatre. If you’re still interested
in theatre. Are you?
Lady Bird comes out in a dress, it’s too tight:
LADY BIRD
I’m probably no good at acting.
(looking at herself)
Why don’t I look like the girls in
the magazines?
MARION
It’s too bad I can’t meet this Kyle
before prom.
LADY BIRD
He’s not my boyfriend anymore. I
mean, maybe he never even was.
MARION
I’d still like to meet him.
LADY BIRD (O.S.)
(re: the dress)
IT’S TOO TIGHT! FUCK.
Lady Bird goes back into the dressing room.
MARION
I suggested you not take that
second helping of pasta…
LADY BIRD
MOM!
88.
MARION
(innocent)
Honey, you seem upset about it,
I’m trying to help you.
LADY BIRD
Mom! You’re giving me an eating
disorder!
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
(to herself)
I wish I could get an eating
disorder.
Lady Bird comes out again. The dress kind of fits her. It’s
bright pink and frilly. She looks happy:
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
I love it.
Smiles up at her Mom, looking for approval:
MARION
(considering)
Is it too pink?
Lady Bird silently goes back into the dressing room. Her Mom
just crushed something that she liked and was very “her.”
Marion picks up that she’s upset:
MARION (CONT’D)
What?
LADY BIRD (O.S.)
Why can’t you say I look nice?
MARION
I thought you didn’t even care
what I think.
LADY BIRD (O.S.)
I still want you to think I look
good.
MARION
I’m sorry, I was telling you the
truth. Do you want me to lie?
LADY BIRD (O.S.)
No, I just wish… I wish that you
liked me.
89.
MARION
Of course I love you.
Lady Bird comes out. Looks at Marion with the pure question:
LADY BIRD
But do you like me?
MARION
(faltering) …I want you to be the very best
version of yourself you can be.
LADY BIRD
What if this is the best version?
INT. LADY BIRD’S HOUSE. NIGHT.
Lady Bird all dressed up in her pink dress. The one Marion
didn’t like. Miguel, Shelly and Larry wait with her. She
keeps checking the window.
SHELLY
You look really pretty.
Really?
Shelly nods.
LADY BIRD
SHELLY
You look like a bad ass girl in a
band.
This makes Lady Bird feel pretty amazing. Then a car horn
honks. It’s Kyle. He literally honks.
LADY BIRD
Um, I guess, that’s my date.
LARRY
You aren’t going to get in the car
with a guy who honks, are you?
LADY BIRD
I think, yes, I am.
Larry shrugs, accepting the situation.
LARRY
Let me get your picture. Mom’s
pissed she had to work a double.
90.
MIGUEL
(peering out the window)
Even you deserve better than this.
Larry snaps a picture of Lady Bird, standing alone.
SHELLY
Have a good time!
MIGUEL
Yeah, good luck!
Larry snaps a picture of Lady Bird, standing alone.
INT. KYLE’S CAR. NIGHT.
Lady Bird approaches and catches Jenna and Jonah talking in
the back seat:
JONAH
I think she’s weird.
JENNA
She is weird.
LADY BIRD
(announcing herself)
Hey guys. I guess I’ll just, sit
shotgun? You look really nice,
Kyle.
KYLE
You look good.
He moves some books, probably math books, and she sits. Jenna
doesn’t make eye contact with her.
INT. KYLE’S CAR. NIGHT.
Driving around with Jonah and Jenna. It’s no fun.
KYLE
(on the phone)
Hey, what’s going on, man. Yeah,
OK, that sounds great. OK.
(hangs up the phone)
Do you guys want to ditch prom and
just go to Mike’s instead?
JENNA
Yeah, I hate dances.
JONAH
YES!
LADY BIRD
Yeah, okay. No prom.
91.
“Crash Into Me” comes on the radio.
KYLE
I fucking hate this song.
92.
He switches it. Suddenly Lady Bird sits up very straight.
LADY BIRD
I love it.
LADY BIRD
I actually want to go to prom.
KYLE
Um, okay? I mean I don’t really
wanna do that.
LADY BIRD
Can you take me to my friend
Julie’s house, please?
KYLE
Sure.
JENNA
Who’s Julie?
LADY BIRD
She’s my best friend.
EXT. JULIE’S APARTMENT COMPLEX. NIGHT.
Kyle drops off Lady Bird. Screeches away.
Lady Bird stands in front of Julie’s apartment complex. She’s
milling around when a car pulls up: it’s Julie’s Mom, Ms.
Pickett – coming in from grocery shopping.
INT. JULIE’S ROOM. NIGHT.
Julie’s Mom knocks on the door.
MS. PICKETT
Julie, honey, there’s someone here
to see you.
She steps in. Julie looks up, she’s been crying.
LADY BIRD
Hi…
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
Hey, are you okay?
JULIE
Oh, yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine.
LADY BIRD
What happened?
JULIE
93
.
Nothing. Really, nothing.
LADY BIRD
Why are you crying?
94.
JULIE
I’m just crying – some people
aren’t built happy, you know?
INT. JULIE’S KITCHEN. NIGHT.
CUT TO:
CUT TO:
They laugh really hard. They catch their breath and notice
that they are on the last slice of the block of cheese.
LADY BIRD
We ate all the cheese!
JULIE (CONT’D)
It’s ok, Blocks of cheese vary in
size, that was a small one.
LADY BIRD
So small.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
Fuck it, let’s go to prom. Doesn’t
your Mom have a dress?
JULIE
Let’s be honest, I’ve had a dress
for months. It’s purple and you’re
really gonna like it.
95.
INT. PROM. NIGHT.
Julie and Lady Bird are slow dancing together. All the
decorations, the whole thing, looks like hell, actual hell.
There are flames everywhere. They are taking pictures
together and happy – it is their last hurrah.
CUT TO:
EXT. DOWNTOWN SACRAMENTO. EARLY MORNING.
In their prom dresses. They watch the sun come up over
Capital Bridge on the Sacramento River. Their small-town
version of the sunrise scene over the Brooklyn Bridge in
“Manhattan.”
LADY BIRD
People make so much noise in the
movies, but it’s really not a big
thing, you can totally be quiet
during it.
JULIE
Was it amazing, though?
LADY BIRD
(thinks)
I wanted it so badly but then I
found that when it happened, I
really like dry humping much more.
JULIE
You’re NOT a virgin.
LADY BIRD
(excited)
I can’t wait for State Fair.
JULIE
I know!
96.
LOG RIDE!
LADY-BIRD
LOG RIDE!
JULIE
They laugh. Then:
Oh shit.
What?
JULIE
LADY BIRD
JULIE
I’m not going to be here this
summer. All summer, basically.
LADY BIRD
Why not?
JULIE
Well, my Dad, my real Dad,
resurfaced in Yellowstone and he
wants me to come out there for the
summer before I start SCC.
LADY BIRD
Oh.
JULIE
I’m not going anywhere to college,
so it seemed like a good
opportunity.
LADY BIRD
(trying to be happy for
her)
Yeah.
JULIE
I’m going to miss the fuck out of
you.
LADY BIRD
I probably won’t get in. So I’ll go
to Davis and I’ll see you every
day.
97.
INT. XAVIER THEATRE. NIGHT.
Lady Bird sits in the audience and watches The Tempest. Close
on Danny performing Prospero’s last speech. It’s beautiful:
DANNY
… now I want
Spirits to enforce, art to enchant,
And my ending is despair,
Unless I be relieved by prayer,
which pierces so that it assaults
mercy itself and frees all
faults. As you from crimes would
pardoned be, let your indulgence
set me free.
The play is over – Father Walther, ever the football coach,
jumps up and cheers. Lady Bird has tears in her eyes. She
loves watching her friend’s be great.
INT. CATHEDRAL. DAY.
Everyone is graduating.
INT. RESTAURANT. NIGHT.
Cut toLady Bird celebrating with her family, hugging them.
LARRY
To Miguel and his new job!
98.
MARION
To Lady Bird going to Davis!
MIGUEL
(to Lady Bird)
Hey, I talked to my manager, and
you can totally take over my job
for the summer.
LADY BIRD
Thanks, Miguel!
MARION
I’m so proud of you, Lady Bird. You
walked weird across the stage, but
you did it.
LADY BIRD
I didn’t walk weird!
MARION
It seemed a little weird, the way
you walked.
LADY BIRD
MOM!
99.
Marion smiles at Lady Bird. Lady Bird smiles back. Danny
walks over to their table.He embraces her in a big hug.
They’re friends, real friends.
DANNY
Hi, everyone! I miss you guys!
They all chorus that they miss him, too. Proudly:
DANNY (CONT’D)
Did you find out about the
wait list?
Marion looks at Lady Bird and then back to Danny.
LARRY
Oh, fuck.
MARION
What?
Marion’s eyes darken.
INT./EXT. LADY BIRD’S HOUSE. DAY.
Lady Bird is still in her graduation gown. Marion is doing
dishes, laundry, not looking at her, not speaking to her.
Lady Bird trails after her:
LADY BIRD
I’m not even in yet, so this might
not even be a problem… Mom?
Follows Marion into the kitchen. She sees her Dad sitting
in the living room, looking scolded: he’s just gotten an
earful. Lady Bird keeps pursuing her Mom.
100
.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gone
behind your back, it’s not like I
am definitely going to New York.
Nothing from Marion.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
Mom. Mom. Aren’t you sort of
proud that I’m so close to
getting in? Just a little?
Follows Marion to the backyard, where she begins weeding.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
I mean, yes, I know it was probably
easier because 9/11 and less people
applying with terrorism and all
that, still though … I’m sorry, I
know I can lie and not be a good
person but…
Follows Marion to the trash can, almost crying.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
Please, Mom, please I’m so sorry, I
didn’t mean to hurt you – I
appreciate everything you’ve done
for me, I’m ungrateful and I’m so
sorry, I’m so sorry I wanted
more…
Nothing from her. Marion goes back into the kitchen, screen
door slamming behind her.Shouting now, panicked trying to
get her attention.
LADY BIRD (CONT’D)
TALK TO ME! MOM! MOM! PLEASE! TALK TO
ME. I know, I know, I know I’m so bad,
just please! PLEASE.
Nothing from her mother.
SUMMER (AGAIN)
INT. GROCERY STORE. DAY.
Lady Bird is learning the ropes of the grocery store. She’s
trying to scan items. Hangs out with Shelly.
101
.
INT. NEW HELVETIA COFFEE SHOP. DAY.
Lady Bird puts on her other apron for the coffee shop, and
gets to work as a barista. She’s gotten better.
INT. DMV DRIVING TEST. 1994 TOYOTA COROLLA. AFTERNOON.
Lady Bird is sitting with the driving tester after the test.
DRIVING TESTER
You passed.
LADY BIRD
Seriously?!
DRIVING TESTER
Yes.
LADY BIRD
Thanks.
DRIVING TESTER
Not a thanking situation, you either
pass or you don’t pass.
LADY BIRD
Yay.
102
. INT. LADY BIRD’S ROOM. MORNING.
Dad comes in with a cupcake. Lady Bird is 18.
LARRY
Happy Birthday to you.
LADY BIRD
You remembered!
LARRY
You’re my only daughter. Well,
Shelly too, kind of. Make a wish.
Lady Bird blows out the candle. Then:
LADY BIRD
Are you and Mom going to get a
divorce over this?
LARRY
No… we can’t afford to! I’m
kidding, no. I love your Mom.
LADY BIRD
(looking down)
Does Mom hate me?
LARRY
You both have such… strong
personalities. She doesn’t know how
to help you and that frustrates
her.
LADY BIRD
I wish she’d talk to me.
LARRY
She will, I know. Happy 18.
LADY BIRD
Thanks. Do you want some?
LARRY
Yes.
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE. DAY.
Lady Bird walks confidently up to the
counter.
LADY BIRD
One pack of Camel Lights, please.
And a scratcher. And a Playgirl.
CONVENIENCE STORE CLERK
103
ID.
.
Lady Bird hands over her ID.
CONVENIENCE STORE CLERK (CONT’D)
(barely looking at it)
That’ll be ten eighty seven.
LADY BIRD
Oh, it’s my birthday today. I’m
eighteen. Which is why all these
things. I can buy them.
CONVENIENCE STORE CLERK
Okay, happy birthday.
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE. DAY.
She smokes a cigarette. Legally. It’s gross.
EXT. LADY BIRD’S HOUSE. DAY.
Early morning. Lady Bird is sitting outside on the porch,
writing. Trying to be like a lady poet. The mailman comes up
and gives Lady Bird the mail.
She opens the paper to the obituaries, just like her Mom – sees that Kyle’s Dad has died.
Richard Scheible (1953-2003).
She goes to the lawn and sits down on the grass and thinks.
Flips through the other mail. At the bottom is a fat letter
from the college.
She opens it. She got in.
INT. BANK. DAY.
Larry and Lady Bird sit in front of a banker.
LARRY
So with her scholarships and then
if we re-finance the house… then
where are we?
INT. KITCHEN TABLE. NIGHT.
Marion struggling to write something. She works on a yellow
legal pad. Keeps throwing away versions.
INT. HOUSE. MORNING.
Larry gives Lady Bird a cell phone.
LARRY
You’re only supposed to use it for
emergencies.
LADY BIRD
(laughs)
It’s my tracking device.
INT. LADY BIRD’S BEDROOM. DAY.
Lady Bird repaints her room, covering the pink walls – and
Danny and Kyle’s names – in fresh white.
INT. 1994 TOYOTA COROLLA. EARLY MORNING.
Lady Bird sits in the backseat while Marion drives and Larry
sits shotgun. Sacramento goes by.
INT./EXT. 1994 TOYOTA COROLLA. AIRPORT. DAY, 2003.
Lady Bird and Larry get out. Larry secretly slips a manila
envelope into the front of the suitcase.
Lady Bird leans back into the car and talks to Marion:
LADY BIRD
Thank you for driving.
MARION
You’re welcome.
LADY BIRD
You aren’t coming?
MARION
You can’t walk up to the gate
anymore, anyway.
LADY BIRD
Yeah, but, I’m going to college.
Marion can barely look at her, it’s too hard and she’s too
mad and hurts too much.
MARION
Dad will walk you to security,
parking is too expensive here.
Marion drives away abruptly. Lady Bird gets smaller in the
frame. Marion is the focus. Marion circles, then circles
back. She is crying now, she thought it would be easier to
not say goodbye but it isn’t. She parks the car. Runs as fast
as she can to go say goodbye.
Runs into the airport looking for Lady Bird and Larry. Sees
Larry walking towards her.
LARRY
(hugging her while she
cries)
It’s ok, she’ll be back, she’ll
come back.
COLLEGE
INT. DORM ROOM. NIGHT.
Lady Bird unpacks, putting things in their places. She
reaches in the front pocket of her suitcase and pulls out:
A manila envelope. She opens it, and all these letters fall
out – crumpled up starts and half-starts. She looks at all of
them one at a time. They all begin essentially the same:
“I love you so much and I don’t know how to tell you that, I
can’t communicate it to you in a way that …”
CUT TO:
Lady Bird is on the phone with Larry:
LARRY (O.S.)
She was worried that there would be
errors, or mistakes or something…
(MORE)
LARRY (O.S.) (CONT’D)
that you’d judge her writing
abilities.
LADY BIRD
I wouldn’t do that.
LARRY (O.S.)
I thought you should have them.
LARRY (O.S.)
I want you to know how much she
loves you but also don’t tell her I
salvaged them, okay?
LADY BIRD
Ok…
She touches all these letters her mother couldn’t send. And
she can never tell her that she has them.
INT. ANOTHER DORM ROOM. NIGHT
Lady Bird sits in a dorm room full of college freshman. She
stares at a half drunk paper cup of rum in her hand. She
looks up, questioning:
LADY BIRD
Hey. Do you believe in God?
COLLEGE BOY
No.
Why not?
LADY BIRD
COLLEGE BOY
Because it’s ridiculous.
LADY BIRD
(shaking her head)
People will call each other by
names their parents made up for
them but they won’t believe in
God.
COLLEGE BOY
What’s your name?
LADY BIRD
(considering)
Christine. My name is Christine.
I’m David.
They shake hands.
You shake.
I shake.
COLLEGE BOY
DAVID
CHRISTINE
DAVID
Where are you from?
CHRISTINE
Sacramento.
DAVID
Sorry, where?
The music was too loud, he hadn’t heard her. Second try:
CHRISTINE
San Francisco.
DAVID
Cool! San Francisco is a great
city.
She is immediately ashamed, but pleased with her social
success. She drinks everything.
CUT TO:
Lady Bird is very drunk now. She leans out the window. David
does, too. She yells at the sky.
LADY BIRD
BRUCE!
COLLEGE BOY
No, my name is David.
INT. LADY BIRD’S DORM. NIGHT.
Back in her dorm with the David. She is so drunk that she is
half way between passing out and throwing up.
David is flipping through her giant CD case.
DAVID
Jesus Christ you have bad music.
It’s all Greatest Hits.
CHRISTINE
But they’re the Greatest, what’s
wrong with that?
David puts down the CD case and starts making out with her.
She throws up all over him.
DAVID
Oh, god, oh god!
He gets up and runs away, out of the room.
INT. DORM ROOM. NIGHT.
Christine being loaded onto some kind of strap down chair.
She is crying.
CHRISTINE
I’m sorry.
INT. HOSPITAL. NIGHT.
Christine looks up, half awake. A nurse comes into focus.
NURSE
What do you want us to do, she’s
drunk.
Christine passes out again.
INT. HOSPITAL. DAY.
Christine opens her eyes. Looks at her bracelet. Sits up. A
child sits across from her with something definitely wrong
with his eye. She winces.
She stands. It seems like she can just walk out. She does.
EXT. NYC STREET. DAY.
Christine is hung over but basically okay. Stops a man:
CHRISTINE
What day is it?
NYC MAN
Sunday.
CHRISTINE
Thank you.
She walks past a church. People are filing in. So does she.
INT. CHURCH. DAY.
Snippets of a sermon, some donation baskets. The choir gets
up to sing “Blessed Assurance.”
Christine listens and then cries, hard, and then starts
laughing and singing along. It turns out that her life is
just beginning.
She ducks into the entry-way of the church. Gets out her
phone, calls her home phone. It rings and rings. She leaves a
message:
CHRISTINE
Hi Mom and Dad, it’s me. Christine.
It’s the name you gave me. It’s a
good one. Dad, this is more for Mom
– Hey Mom: did you feel emotional
the first time that you drove in
Sacramento? I did and I wanted to
tell you, but we weren’t really
talking when it happened. All
those bends I’ve known my whole
life, and stores, and the whole
thing. But I wanted to tell you. I
love you. Thank you, I’m… thank
you.
Hangs up and listens from the back of the church while the
choir continues singing.
Credits.

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